Poor, Poor Paris —– NOT!!!

Throughout the last few weeks, every newspaper, news channel, and news special has featured the trials (no pun intended) and tribulations of our favorite celebutard, Paris Hilton. Why report frivolous news stories like the murder of Kelsey Smith in Kansas, the German police boat running over Greenpeace protestors or a suicide bomber killing 14 Iraqi soldiers when we have Paris the Heiress’ impending – and may I say well-timed – nervous breakdown to talk about.

I have never been a huge Paris fan to begin with. I’ve always found her self-absorbtion to be totally predictable, not to mention boring. Like many before her, she has lived a life where she can do anything she wants or go anywhere in the world she wants and she has been given this privileged life simply by taking that harrowing trip down the birth canal. She has done nothing to “deserve” her wealth or truly “earn” her wealth, so therefore lives with an innate sense of entitlement that comes from a lifetime of being spoiled and catered to.

Many people today, watching Ms. Hilton go from the perfectly coiffed, designer dress wearing red carpet poser to a sweat pants wearing wretch sobbing in the back of the police car, are feeling a certain satisfaction. But was justice served?

HELL YEAH and it’s about time, too. Read the headlines. Everytime you turn around, some celebrity is getting busted for something. Murder, drugs, DUI — you name it. But how many actually pay the consequences? It seems like all a celebrity has to do these days to get out of taking responsibility is to go to “rehab”. Going to a posh facility with Pratesi sheets, private suites and gourmet food doesn’t shriek of “doing the time.” It says, “I’ll rest my eyebags and nasal passages for a month or two so I’ll look rested and healthy when I start the ride all over again.”

Back to Ms. Hilton. The bottom line is that she was busted on a DUI. The reason she was pulled over to begin with was for “driving erratically”. She’s lucky nobody was hurt. So Paris gets a ticket for DUI, pleads “no contest” and is placed on probation where she is required to pay a fine (chump change for her. no biggie) and enroll in driver safety classes. Oh yeah, and her license was suspended.

She gets caught driving on a suspended license not once, but twice!!! Well, at least she only got caught twice. You and I both know that she had probably driven dozens of times knowing full well she was not legally able to. But the Paris Hilton’s of the world can do whatever the hell they want, right? Apparently — NOT!! Just to clarify something — not only did Paris get caught TWICE driving without a license, she also VIOLATED HER PROBATION. That is more than one incident. And why was she caught the last time? She was speeding (another charge) without her headlights on (can anyone say “reckless driving?) This is not a lady who has learned her lesson, now is it? And let us remember that her original charge was DUI. Just because a DUI seems to be the new “fad” in Hollyweird, this is serious stuff, people. Just ask anyone who has ever lost anyone due to a drunk driver.

Judge Sauer is my hero. This man took a look at the facts for what they are — a rich, spoiled celebutard thumbing her patrician nose at the law and counting on ass kissers like Sheriff Baca to let her do it — and said “NO WAY”. Good for him!!!!! He even took it one step further and spelled out the guidelines for Ms. Hilton’s consequences — no work release and no electronic monitoring!!

I can see why Judge Sauer was so against electronic monitoring. What kind of punishment is that? Being sentenced to live in her own very comfortable home, sleep in her own bed (without a toilet as a nightstand), eat fast food, have a party and even – dare I say it – have a Mojito or two? Gee, You Honor, I want THAT punishment. I’ll really learn my lesson. Can’t anyone see what is wrong with that picture?

People like Paris Hilton do not learn lessons by paying the standard, court-regulated fine. They spend more than that in a day on tips. They also don’t learn by “rehab” or by being allowed to lay around in the comfort of the their own home. They learn by having their creature comforts taken away and by being treated like everyone else. That’s how they learn. Jail. No pillow. Bologna. No cell phones. K-mart sheets. DOC-issue jumpsuits and shower shoes. Those are consequences that will not be forgotten and will make them think twice about indulging in their flippant, self indulgent behavior.

Paris isn’t “sick”. She just doesn’t like the fact that she is as close as she has ever been to being considered a “commoner.” Even though she IS being given a few concessions for her safety, such as a private cell. Now let me comment on this one.

Many interviewed defense attorney’s have made the comment about how overcrowded the jails are in LA. OK, I’ll buy that. However, the cell Paris was put into was not in the main population and she wasn’t taking up any place that was meant for the Charlie Mansons. For what it’s worth, I don’t think Michelle Rodriguez should have been released after 2 days either. What I believe is happening is that the courts – and the general public – are getting sick and tired of the parade of young, spoiled rich brats getting drunk, wrecking their vehicles, using drugs and acting like it all just doesn’t matter. And then having celebrity ass kissers like Sheriff Baca there to pat them on the head and tell them “not to do it anymore.”

I wonder what Sheriff Baca would say if Ms. Hilton, La Lohan or Nicole Richie plowed into one of his loved ones while out on one of their self indulgent drink/drug binges? Would he put on his chapstick or would he finally begin to do his job and uphold the law?

Paris, I don’t feel sorry for you. I was stupid enough to get a DUI a few years ago. I didn’t go to jail, but I didn’t violate my probation either. Aside from losing my license for 6 months, I had one year’s probation, 40 hours of community service, court costs, fines and DUI school. Because I’m not rich, the fines and monetary consequences kicked my ass. But you know what? I did what I had to do. And I have NEVER driven a vehicle under the influence again. And that has been well over 10 years. Quit your snivelling and do your time. You are always whining about how the media “misrepresents” who you are so here was a chance to prove them wrong. Had you taken your punishment like a grown-up, you could have changed the minds of even your worst critics. But, true to form, you have chosen to act exactly like the spoiled brat you have been portrayed to be. So….talk to the hand.