IDOL: AND THE WINNER IS………..

I tuned in when the red carpet extravaganza was already almost over.  Somehow watching celebrity backslapping while showing off their new (probably FREE) designer duds does not count for scintillating entertainment.  At least not for me.  So, if you were hoping for a blow-by-blow – sorry.

“This is the night we’ve all been waiting for.  Who will take the title – the Beatboxer from Seattle or the Sweetheart from Arizona?”  For the last time this year, we will hear Ryan Seacrest utter those four greatly anticipated words — THIS    IS    AMERICAN    IDOL!!!!!!!  

A shout out to the judges showed Randy wearing a black jacket decorated with what looked like old guitar straps.  Paula Ab-drool was a BLEEP vision in black and 20 pounds hair.  I’m just glad she didn’t turn her Chihuahua into rug-kill.  Simon was wearing – I swear – exactly what he had on last night.

The festivities began with a duet by Jordin and Blake singing “I Saw Her Standing There”, a Beatles classic.  It was a bit saccharine for me but they did look comfortable dancing together.  You can tell there is genuine mutual affection there.  Next up was Gwen Stefani “live”, which was actually a telecast from her concert tour and a promotion of her favorite song, “Four in the Morning”, from her new CD.  Sorry, not impressed. After the first of MANY BREAKS……the first Idol…..Kelly Clarkson singing “Never Again”.  I love her and the song. Her outfit was hot….simple black mini and f$%k me thigh-high boots.  Well done.  Watching this I couldn’t help but think of Gina Glockson.

Wow…a shot of all the celebrities in the audience.  In the front sections, of course.  I wonder where all the PAYING peons are sitting.  $250, nosebleed section anyone?

It is now time for the TOP 6 guys singing a Smokey Robinson medley, led by Smokey himself.  The beginning of the performance was lead off by none other than Sanjaya, followed by short solos by each of the other guys.  Dressed all in white, they looked like refugees from Fantasy Island.  Da plane, da plane…uh, wrong show.  Jokes aside, they sounded great.

Because Blake didn’t get to beat box on the final song, here he is in a performance with Doug E. Fresh, the original beat boxer. You could see how excited Blake was.  He was practically levitating. THIS is the Blake I like.   The problem is you can’t do this on every song.  But it was entertaining as hell.  And Blake looked like he was having a ball out there.

After the duet the Top 6 women take their turn, also dressed all it white, singing “I heard it Through the Grapevine.” Melina must be in heaven because the ladies were joined by Gladys Knight.  It was great to see Gina and Stephanie again.  Haley still gives me heartburn with her saccharine over-emoting. I loved the little by-play with Gladys, Lakisha and Melinda. And if singing with Gladys Knight wasn’t enough, Melinda was given the opportunity to sing WITH and not FOR her former lead singers (sorry, but I didn’t recognize either one. My bad)

Next up was 15 time Grammy winner, Mr. Tony Bennett singing “For Once in My Life.”  Now we are seeing a master.  I kept thinking how disappointed I was when Michael Buble’ had to take his place back in April.  A DRUNK Michael Buble’ no less.  Hoooorah.  NOT.

Throughout this extravaganza, the famous Golden Idol awards were given out to deserving recipients.  This year’s winners were:  Margaret Fowler for the Most Eccentric Audition.  Remember, she was the African American lady, fat and fifty, wearing a yellow fuzzy outfit with yellow leggings. She lifted her shirt a lot, too.  The crowning glory was when she bent poor Ryan over backward and engaged him in a very long lip lock.  C’mon Ryan, you loved it. The Most Original Vocal went to Sholandric Stallworth of the big voice.  He received his 2 minutes of Idol fame and sang a few bars of “Silent Night” on the Kodak stage. Sans microphone.  Last, but certainly not least, the Best Buddies Award, which went to Jonathan and Kenneth (the ‘bush baby’). Idol adopted an actual bush baby at the zoo and named it…you guessed it…..Simon.  Appropros.

After yet ANOTHER commercial, we were treated to a montage of the Ford commercials from the entire season.  Afterward, both Jordin and Blake were presented with brand new Mustangs.  Not bad.  Resurrecting “I’ll Stand by You” from Idol Gives Back, Carrie Underwood was the next celebrity performer.  She was gorgeous, as usual; however, I just didn’t understand her outfit.  It looked like a gown with the front cut out, worn over jeans.  A strange, but surprisingly pretty, outfit.  To round out the performance, Clive Davis awarded her a special award for selling 6 million copies of her debut album but not before he acknowledged all the previous Idols and their accomplishments.  He paid particular attention to Chris Daughtry, the biggest selling artist of the year whose album has been on Billboard’s top ten for the last 6 months and has sold over 2.5 million copies. La, La, La…..After ANOTHER break…..the African Children’s Choir put on one helluva performance. Now THEY are true Idols.  Those kids looked like they were having so much fun.  It was truly enjoyable to watch. 

And NOW…LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS….dun dun DUN….only one has had the courage….performing LIVE with Joe Perry from Aerosmith…..its Sanjaya Malakar singing “You Really Got Me.”  Oh Lordy Mae.  All those little girls wetting their Underoos.  He played the crowd, shaking hand and schmoozing the women.  Little Ashley was in the audience again, her eyes full of Sanjaya love and overflowing with tears. I think we have found the new “terror twins” – Sanjaya and Joe Perry.  Should Steve Tyler start looking for a day job?

The next celebrity performance was by Green Day singing John Lennon’s “Working Class Hero”.  I really enjoyed this, but then again, I always liked Green Day.

Another commercial (gotta pay for the air time, I guess) Taylor Hicks appeared singing his newest single “Heaven Knows”.  I can’t understand why this hasn’t done better because it is a good song.  It was nice to see Taylor hasn’t lost his “drunk uncle at the wedding” dance moves.  This man is a true performer and guess what?  He can sing!!! Imagine that!

Next on the very long agenda was a duet by Jordin and Reuben Studdard singing “You’re All I Need to Get By”. They sounded well together and Reuben showed why he was called the Velvet Teddy Bear.  Smooth.  “Teddy” was slimmed down in a pin striped suit and pink satin tie.  Jordin wore a pink dress to match. 

Did anyone catch Jennifer Hudson’s bored looking bouncing around?  What was that about?  I guess if it’s not all about her, she isn’t having any. 

The surprise guest of the night is Bette Midler.  She was not what I expected but a welcome presence singing The Wind Beneath my Wings.  I hate to say it but she sounded a bit strained.  I guess that’s because she hasn’t been on stage for awhile.  No matter, she is an all around star.

Before the results, Idol put on a tribute to Sergeant Pepper with Kelly Clarkson and Joe Perry kicking it off with “Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”. Taylor Hicks was up next with “A Day in the Life” followed by a treacle version of “She’s Leaving Home” by Carrie Underwood.  Reuben Studdard closed the medley with “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” backed up by the Top 12 Idols.  The guys were dressed like Sergeant Pepper – sort of like Randy last night.  Maybe he was dropping a hint?  Afterwards all the finalists sang “With a Little Help from my Friends”, which was an appropriate way to close the show. 

AND NOW….what we have sat through almost two hours and many weeks to find out.  THE RESULTS!!!!!  Last night, Idol made a new world record with 74 million votes.  The judges were asked their final thoughts before the big announcement.  Randy thinks that Jordin will take the prize.  Paula was non-committal, as usual, and called them both winners.  Simon simply stated that “based on the last song…..Congratulations Jordin.”

The moment of truth is here. Dim the lights.  THE     WINNER   OF    AMERICAN     IDOL    2007   IS  (Insert long, dramatic pause here) JORDIN SPARKS.  Blake sent out a happy whoop for Jordin then shouted out his love to his mom and dad.  Jordin was completely overwhelmed and seemed incapable of clear or rational thinking or motion.  Shaking out of it, she thanked her family and all who voted for her.  Our newest Idol sang the sappy coronation song “This is My Now”.  A couple of times, Jordin was so overcome she could barely sing.  Her parents looked on with pride.   CONGRATULATIONS JORDIN!!!!

And to Blake…..GREAT JOB.  We haven’t seen the last of him, that’s for sure.  Remember that even the “runners up” kick some serious butt.  Look at Daughtry.  I know, I say that all the time.  But it’s true.  Blake handled himself with class and aplomb tonight and throughout the entire competition.

So this is it.  Now we are going to have to find things to do on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings.  At least until next January.

CONGRATULATIONS JORDIN AND THE REST OF THE TOP 10.  WELL DONE!