Idol Results: Phil went out in a Blaze of Glory and Chris was NOT Wanted Dead OR Alive

Last week we played nice in the name of charity. The votes are in and two are out. Who will they be? THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL.

Another audience shot of Antonella Barba. Is she staying in town to meet with Hugh Heffner, I wonder? Ryan enters, dressed ultra CEO corporate in monochrome brown. I guess Don Johnson wanted his inner child back. He promises that although the show is a full hour, there will be no filler. Yeah, right.

A quick intro of the judges revealed that Randy made up for last night’s lack of BLING by wearing his weight in rhinestones. Paula was the epitomy of bad taste wearing head to probably toe mustard brocade, a rhinestone lariat around her neck (to rope yourself a man, perhaps?) and pounds of fake hair. Simon was his usual fashionista self in light gray and chest hair. Chest hair – one of the greatest accessories.

The judges seemed to be of unanimous mind when they conceded that rock night was a complete success. Randy thought everyone stepped up their game, Paula blubbered and blathered something alluding to Blake’s performance, and Simon gave his top marks to Blake, mainly because he took a risk. Notice he didn’t say he liked it.

Next came a rehash of some of last night’s performances. I finally got to hear Jordin’s remark: “I took over where Sanjaya left off with the hair.” This was basically a reminder of the good, the bad and Blake (I can’t even classify that mess).

Yawwwn, more man on the street stuff from Ryan at the Farmer’s Market. Let’s talk to the great unwashed. The comments were about what you’d expect. Movin’ on.

Ryan went over the contestants for a Q & A period. Blake said that he brought a computer program where he puts the songs into to “mash them out”. Can you arrest a computer for premeditated song slaughter? Jordin conceded that this just was not her week. Phil admitted that he wasn’t allowed to listen to rock music growing up because his dad was a pastor……of a church. Uh, okay. Lakisha was asked what kind of a kisser Simon was? “Gooood, I’d do it again.” My personal opinion is that Simon would much prefer that the lips (any lips) be firmly attached to his keister.

Reminder the lines for Idol Gives Back are still open. Ruben Studdard gave a PSA asking for more donations.

Then more filler consisting of 5 second celebrity backslapping for those who participated in last week’s show. We were also treated to another resurrection of Elvis. Ho-hum.

Next we break to a telecast performance by Robin Thicke. He’s no Marvin Gaye, that’s for sure. I will reiterate: I HATE FALSETTO’S. This guy sounded like he had his entire nether region stuck in a wood chipper. And why don’t the producers stick with the weekly theme and use an act of that particular genre’?

AFTER THE BREAK the Idols Paint it Black in the Ford commercial; a Fellini-style circus theme which would send anyone with a fear of clowns running for the nearest Valium bottle. Blake was right out of Dawn of the Dead as a white-faced barker, while the rest of the cast just seemed a bit creepy. My dog hid under the bed for this one.

After plugging the songwriting contest: 25,000 entries with the top 20 to be voted for on americanidol.com, we FINALLY get to some results. Drumroll pleaaaazzzze…..

Front row: Melinda, Phil and Lakisha. Stand up Melinda—SAFE. Let’s get the easy one out of the way first. Next Phil and Lakisha stand up. After a dramatic pause, Lakisha is…..SAFE. Phil is on his way home. I’m surprised yet not surprised. If he was sent home 4-5 weeks ago I’d have packed his bag, however, he’s finally shown what he is capable of. Too much, too late, I’m afraid. He just never developed that fan base in the beginning. So, we watched his Idol journey to the tune of “I’ll Stand By You.” Leave it to reality TV for the melodramatic. Phil went out in a Blaze of Glory and he worked my pet peeve – the exit song – for all it was worth. He shook hands with the audience and stood with his navy buddies. Then he planted a kiss on his wife and finished the song hugging the remaining contestants. I’m proud of him. He’s come far considering the total lack of support he’s had throughout.

Again, we have more living proof that it pays to enter the Idol contest. The question: where did the six Idols go for a visit this week in the FORD COMMERCIAL? Gee, could it have been the circus???? The Laundromat???? A Carwash??? I’m insulted that the producers must have thought I’ve lost my marbles in the mere space of 10 minutes.

MORE RESULTS!!! Who is going to join Phil? “Jordin, Chris and Blake – stand up.” They aren’t messing with Jordin again this week. “Sit down, you are safe.” Which leaves Chris and Blake to sweat their balls off for the next 20 minutes or so.

Next is the panty-dropping performance by Bon Jovi singing (You Want To) Make a Memory. He can still rock it and so can the rest of the band. Even after all these years, Jon still makes me want to lose another fingernail (yesterday’s recap). No, Jon didn’t want to predict who would be going home. Good answer.

We are now down to the wire. Blake and Chris declare they are BFF’s and would gladly trade places with each other. No matter who is going home, our boys are gonna tour together. Maybe we can mold them together into one huge Blake Timberfake. OK, my bad

Dim the lights. After over 135 million votes Chris is going home leaving Blake to beatbox his way through Boogie week. He is serenaded out the door by Chris Daughtry and teared up a bit during the video. He’ll be fine he says.

Unfortunately, his exit song reminded me AND my bottle of Afrin just why he is being sent on his way. Guess Lauren Conrad will have to find another boy toy to take to Tenjune.

Next week it will be “boogie sounds” with Barry Gibb. Sigh – more disco. Maybe someday the producers will have “headbangers and moshers” week with Metallica or “80’s hair glam” with Motley Crue. I could see it. Until next week…………