More of Idol Gives Back. The RESULTS!!!! Elvis has been sighted in Hollywood

Last night we saw the works. We were reminded that there are millions of children – EVEN IN AMERICA – that are starving and living in squalor. We learned that Simon has a real heart beating under all of that chest hair. Phil surprised us with another top-notch performance and Jordin brought down the house.

What will tonight bring?

The lights are dimmed and Ryan walks the line of contestants dressed all in white.  Must be on Fantasy Island, “da plane, da plane!.  Ooops, wrong show.  THIS IS IDOL GIVES BACK!!!!

Mr. Seacrest entered center stage wearing a serious power suit and a polka-dot tie.  He announced that this was THE biggest American Idol show ever with the MOST SHOCKING ELIMINATION IN IDOL HISTORY!! 

Let us take a minute to ponder that.  Did this mean that  Jordin or Melinda somehow got lost in the voting mix and lost out?  Could there have possibly been a tie?  I guess we’ll find out at the end of the show.

Ryan then made the announcement that News Corp. was ont the hook for 5 million as the previous night garnered over 70 million votes.  Donations could be made by either dialing 1-800-IDOL-AID or by logging onto www.americanidol.com.  I donated.  Did you?

The judges were dressed for the occasion, both Randy and Simon decked out in suits.  Never worry, Randy still had that “dawg” thing going on by wearing a paisley shirt/hanky combo.  Paula, on the other hand, must have thought that by showing her coconuts it would produce actual coconuts.  And she was sporting enough fake hair to weave into an entire sheepdog.  Whew.

Intro to Ellen DeGeneres at the Disney concert hall who wanted to know what was so shocking about the vote-off……..was she about to go?  Ha Ha.  After a snippet of her ‘life anthem’, Shoop, by Salt n Pepa; Earth Wind and Fire took the stage with a  medley starting with Boogie Wonderland and ended with “September”.

Now began the first of many videos, this one featuring Randy visiting the victims of Katrina in New Orleans.  It was a powerful and sobering contrast between the 2004 IDOL auditions at the Superdome and horrific scene both inside and outside in the aftermath of Katrina.

This segment was topped off by a visit to the FEMA trailers where the inhabitants live in fear every day.  Drugs and violence are a way of life here and the conditions are horrible.  The most touching were the scenes of the community center – minus walls – where the children go to play, dance and watch movies.

We have now returned to the Idol stage and footage of Quincy Jones coaching the kids around the piano for the GROUP SONG.  The song, Time to Care, is a song written by Quincy Jones specifically for this show.  The idols around the piano, showing reverence and respect.  He said the kids just blew him away.  Amid video’s of children and directed by none other than Quincy himself, I have say that this was entertaining.  Understated choreography with the focus on the vocals and video backdrop – nothing cheesy or over-the-top.

Before one of MANY breaks, Eric McCormack (Will)  from Will and Grace, did the first of many PSA spots asking for donations. He stated that “If everyone who voted for Sanjaya gives just $1, we could so much good.”  Sanjaya, who happened to be in the audience, laughed just as hard as everyone else.  I wonder if he’s taken advantage of any financial opportunities – is he going to be the next “Miss Clairol?”

AFTER THE BREAK…a plea from David Schwimmer to give and remind us that this is “Idol Gives Back”. Ben Stiller (who is he again?  Just kidding)  says he’ll sing “Reminiscing” by The Little River Band until we raise 200 million dollars.  Don’t quit your day job.  Whew.  That was enough to make me want to take a second mortgage on my house.

More clips from Simon and Ryans’ trip to Africa and one of the largest slums, Kebira.   We were reminded that it costs less than a dollar a day to educate these children and an education is really their only way out.  We are introduced to 12 year old boy and his sister, orphaned, and living all on their own.  Sad.  Forrest Whittaker greeted us from Uganda.  Forgive me if I don’t list all the celebrities as I just don’t keep up with them.  Sorry.

Finally we get to the contestants, nervously seated awaiting their fate.  It was bad enough waiting that 30 minutes but tonight having to wait the entire 2 hours….well, I can imagine chewed fingernails being spit at their feet.   Short but sweet.  Melinda…stand.  Melinda….sit.  Melinda…SAFE.  OK, now on to………………….

Paula visiting a Boy’s and Girl’s Club in Los Angeles.  Forgive me for being snarky but Randy went to New Orleans, Ryan and Simon roughed it in the pit of Africa and Princess Paula rides downtown in her luxury limo???  The children who go to this club are from dangerous neighborhoods, with parents working 2 – sometimes 3 – jobs trying to make ends meet.  This is sometimes their only refuge.  It was very touching.  But what was with that Hollywood “air kiss” Paula gave that crying little girl?  Was she afraid of smudging her make-up?  

Back to Ellen and Simon’s creation Il Divo singing “Somewhere”.  This was a first for me and I can’t see the attraction.  Time to potty the pooch and pour an iced tea. Hello Dr. Phil.  “You’ll never stand taller than when you stoop to help a child.”

Now for the first time, a member of the studio audience will be asked to come up and introduce the next act.  The lucky chosen one will have to pledge 50 bucks.  The seat from the lottery was…B-19.  JACK BLACK, complete with plumber’s crack’ was the lucky winner.  During a maniacal version of Seal’s Kiss From A Rose, Randy stepped in to say it “wasn’t happening”.   Paula told him that the “School of Rock called and they want their diploma back.”  Geez, that was even close to funny.  Simon said he was “better than Sanjaya.”  Ouch.  Seal put in his 30 seconds and stated that he thought it was “the best rendition of Kiss From A Rose ever.”  Yeah right.

Blake….Stand.  Blake…..Sit.  Blake…..SAFE.  Good dog.

Carrie Underwood was next -in Africa- singing I’ll Stand By You with children affected by AIDS.  The song now available on iTunes.  Proceeds will go to the children.

HO HUM……too many commercials.  Back to the Disney Concert Hall and Ellen, who, incidentally, had breakfast with Sanjaya.  His words of wisdom?  “Deep condition” and “donate.”  Next up was Rascal Flatts singing My Wish.  I see the vocal resemblance to Chris Richardson…he sings high and N-A-S-A-L-L-Y.  I guess it really is a “singing style.”

Half the money raised during Idol Gives Back is staying right here in the U.S. to help those in need right in our own backyards.  A visit to Appalachia, where it is vital to have an education to escape the extreme poverty.  It is so sad that only 5 out of the 233 families can afford the $1.50 daily lunch fee.

Particularly touching was the illiterate mother who was so proud of her children’s ability to read.  Reading is something most of us take for granted.  As a bit of self-flagellation for taking for not always appreciating what I have, I will not say one word about Ms. Abdul’s dress (or lack of it).

After a mention of Ford’s generous contribution we are treated to the FORD COMMERCIAL.  Queen’s Crazy Little Thing Called Love…..”have you driven a Ford into a drive-in  movie lately?  The movie turned out to be a montage of about 30 or so stars lip synching to the BeeGee’s Staying Alive.  Telecast of course.

Phil Stacey…..Stand.  “Why are you smiling?”  “Cuz I love you man.“  “America loves you too.”  Phil…..sit.  Phil…...SAFE.

Up next was a very tough to watch.  14 people living in a house the size of a tent.  A woman named Emily with 3 children of her own and 10 AIDS orphans.  The sight of a very ill child dying of AIDS  was horrible.  As Simon said, “It’s just wrong.”  Yes, it is.

Cut to Ellen, who pleas for donations from the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’.  Shaming her rich friends who she KNOWS watches the show into donating, she has personally pledged $100,000 of her OWN money.   I always liked her. 

Next song was Josh Groban singing “You Raise Me Up,” backed with the African children’s choir.  Yes, I my eyes welled up some. 

Back with exec’s from Exxon Mobil who have helped in the fight against Malaria in Africa, which kills one child every 30 seconds.  Ryan showed a bubble pack of medicine that – for under 2 dollars – could save the lives of 4 children.  Who knew that Malaria was still such a killer? 

Back to the Disney center with Kelly Clarkson singing Up To The Mountain backed up by the legendary Jeff Beck.  Isn’t he dead?  Nope, just haven’t seen him much.

Back from the break and the tables are turned…SIMON COWELL is in the hot seat being judged by none other than The Simpsons!  Loved the trap door and the BIG FLUSH.  

Lakisha….Stand.  Lakisha…..Sit.  Lakisha….SAFE! 

Oh good Lord…the “mystery duet”.  Big surprise – NOT. Celine Dion with an Elvis hologram, circa 1968 and a big THANK YOU to Elvis’ estate.  What I enjoyed the most was the special effect of it all.  Celine, well, I can take her or leave her.

We are now in Malawi with Madonna and HIV positive children.  A very plain and simple plea for donation, “You can save a life.”

Already tonight…..30 million dollars between corporate donations and donations from viewers.  Now, the Idol challenge.  The question is:  Who sang the final song in last year’s finale?  Taylor Hicks, Kat McPhee or Elliot Yamin?  Ok, duhhhh.  And the winner was??????? 

Cut to Ellen introducing  “the amazing Annie Lennox”….except I could barely hear her at first.  She sang Bridge Over Troubled Waters.  Sorry, Annie, but it sounded painful to me.  I miss the Eurythmics.  Did she always look so much like a man?

Thank you from children then a big thank you to the sponsors….Coke, Ford & AT & T.  MORE commercials before the moment of truth.  Sigh.

NOW  to the final results…..dim the lights.  Chris and Jordin, please stand up.  America voted…over 70 million votes….Chris is SAFE.  Jordin goes home.  NO WAIT A MINUTE!!!  Jordin is also SAFE.   That was just plain mean letting her think she was going home like that.  Nobody is going home on charity night.  This week’s votes will be added to next week’s votes and the bottom two will be sent home.  So that was the shocker. 

The show ended with a cameo by Bono, speaking to the Idols about how fulfilling it is to give and give back.  They were so starstruck as they listened to him extol about how wonderful it is to save a life.  Nice guy that he is, Bono really put the kids at ease.  The show closed with another group song “American prayer.” Jordin, still recovering from that MEAN emotional kick in the ass she just received, started off the song.  Beautifully I may add.  So THERE producers!

Who WOULD have gone home?    Guess we’ll find out next week.

 

Inspiring……IDOL gives back. Jordin is a star.

OK, Sanjaya AND his hair are history and Ms. Haley is off to lead the Disney parade. Who do we have left to talk about? Phil Stacey, newest posterboy for votefortheworst.com and Howard Stern? Nahhhhhh, too boring.

Well, tonight is the night. The beginning of the star-studded extravaganza of “Idol Gives Back”. The theme of the night is “life anthems” and songs about compassion. If you have never voted before, tonight is the night to start. Each time you call, sponsors will make a donation to Charity Projects Entertainment Fund to help children and young people in the USA and Africa.

Oh…and I heard a little rumor. The “surprise duo” on Wednesday will be Celine Dion and an old telecast of Elvis. Or is it a very good impersonator? If it weren’t so bizarre, it would be a real drag. We’ll see if my little birdie had the right information.

On with the recap.

Ryan opens show in the control room reminding us that our votes not only save contestants, they save lives. THIS IS IDOL GIVES BACK

Mr. Seacrest now appears wearing a dark gray suit, iridescent black tie which looked like it was dragged through red paint. Did he know? I do know that he either forgot to shave or he decided to go with the Sanjaya “Besame Mucho” look. Please shave, OK?

Another reminder that News Corp. will donate 10 cents per dollar for the first 50 million call. That would be 5 million dollars in the coffers to help the hungry. I can’t snark too much on this……it is a wonderful cause.

A quick shout out to the judges. Randy was wearing a blue paisley nightmare of an acid trip. He always looks like he got dressed in the dark. Maybe Stevie Wonder is his dresser. Paula was decked out in tan and BLING. Tons of it. Between that and the tons of fake hair, it’s a wonder she can sit upright. Simon ditched the dark and depressing gray & black for uplifting white and a peep of chest hair.

Next they show Ryan and Simon in video clips from Africa,…such sad stories that will make you cry, like the one about the 12 year old boy who was raising his family because the parents were dead.

More and more stories and clips. The fact that malaria kills more than 3000 children DAILY is heart-wrenching. $10 — yes, $10 is all it takes to protect a child and his parents. That’s all. If each of us gave that $10……. I heard the crack in Simon’s voice as he described how horrible the conditions were. “Literally hell on earth”. Yes, it is and it is too bad that there are those who have to live like that.

Each contestant will have two numbers to call, making it easier to call in. So please do.

Chris Richardson – Change The World by Eric Clapton

Sitting on a stool center stage, he was surprisingly UNnasally. Yes, he did still have a bit of that going on, but this time I could concentrate on the song and not want to hand him a bottle of Afrin.

He was wearing a classic suit jacket, which impressed me until he stood up and I saw the cargo pants. Geez, I actually thought he may have gotten it right. Oh well. All in all, he sounded pretty good – better than I’ve heard out of him in awhile. Randy says that for the first time in a long time Chris acted like he’s really in it to win it. Paula, “blather, blubber, blubber….very proud of you.” Simon agrees with Randy and stated that the competition is “properly starting tonight.” Good vocal and alot more soul. OK, but I still think that – all in all – he will probably go home soon.

More filmage of hunger and squalor; this time right here in America. Randy was shown visiting Katrina victims in Louisiana. Sad to say that while certain areas like the French Quarter are bouncing back, the people are not. There were visits to parts of Arizona, Appalachia, Atlanta and a health unit in Los Angeles.

Seeing for myself the horrible conditions some people are forced to live in makes me ashamed of myself for complaining that I can’t afford that new car or $100 jeans. Shame on me.

Melinda – There Will Come a Day by Faith Hill

Can’t say anything short of wonderful. She seems to have hit her stride with the longer hair but her dress was a bit….oh, dare I say awful? It was more the color than the style to be honest. Drab. However, Mel could come out wearing a vinyl tablecloth and nobody would really care once she opened her mouth. Nothing short of spectacular. This woman can sing, there is no doubt about it. Randy keeps saying she is our “resident pro.” He doesn’t even know what to say any more. Paula thinks she is magical. Simon loved that it wasn’t a copycat performance.  “A vocal master class.” And don’t look surprised.

After a long series of commercials (yawwwwn), there was another reminder of News Corp.’s generous donation and a plug for Idol Gives Back sponsors, such as Ford and AT & T.

Blake is on the hotseat for a viewer question who wanted to know what was the biggest sacrifice he’s made to be a contestant. Was anyone surprised when he said that he misses his family? I think that is a common denominator across the board.

Blake Lewis – Imagine by John Lennon

I love this song. It is a powerful, yet softly masterful piece of music. So you can imagine my trepidation when I heard that Blake was going to sing this. This is just one of those songs that are best left to the original artist. I had horrors of beat-boxing through the chorus.

Thankfully, no beat-boxing was heard. The song itself started out a bit rough for me. Maybe because I was mentally comparing him to John Lennon. After the bad note/feedback, he started getting into the stride of the song but it just was sort of “eh” for me. KUDOS, however, for the total absence of plaid. Randy thought it was a good choice. An amazing song. But the performance was just “OK” for him. Paula felt the same way at the beginning but noted that it was the first real sentimental performance she’s heard from him and really enjoyed it. Simon felt that it was a tricky one because of the comparison to John Lennon but noted Blake’s sincerity. He may be in a bit of trouble tonight.

Ryan’s visit to a feeding center in a town called Kasumu. Without centers like this, most of these orphans would not eat. It only cost 50 cents per day to feed one child. We don’t seem to remember how enormous the problem of hunger and poverty is when we are so comfortable in our own homes. With all of this starvation in the world – and in our own backyard -HOW IS IT THAT WE HAVE AN ENORMOUS OBESITY EPIDEMIC? Shame on us!

Lakisha – I Believe by Fantasia

Another song by yet another Idol. I’m not sure if this is such a good idea. So far her track record is 50/50 with former Idol signature songs and after her lackluster performance of Carrie Underwood’s Jesus At The Wheel last week you would have thought Kiki would have gone in another direction.

Lakisha looked gorgeous in a simple black strapless dress. I thought she sounded great but I know there will be comparisons. This is what I fell in love with when I first heard her. The big voice filled with emotion. But, still, it was not Fantasia.

Randy another great choice. Some pitch problems, not her best performance but he liked it. A very hard song to sing after Fantasia (thank you for echoing my sentiments on this one). Paula feels that Lakisha is a powerhouse vocalist but is having a hard time getting past the “hugeness” of Fantasia. Likened it to “trying” to sing Celine or Whitney. Simon says that he knows what Paula was saying (huh?) in that she “prefers Fantasia’s version.” Again he mentioned the “shouting” but I didn’t really hear it this time. He showed his ass when he told the booing crowd behind him to “shut up.” Gotta love him.

Phil Stacey with a viewer question: What do you miss most about home? He misses his two little babies, who are usually here with him but have been with “nana” these last two weeks.

Phil Stacey – The Change – Garth Brooks

Following on the coattails of his success last week, Phil has decided to move on with a country artist. I didn’t recognize the song (my ignorance of country music again), but I liked it. Phil has surprised me these last couple of weeks. He sounded really good. Accompanied on stage by an organist, he really put some emotion into this song. You could feel his connection AND he got to hit those big notes. But, he should have kept it more “country-sounding”. To be honest, I liked him better than Blake again this week.

Randy is happy that since country week, he came back and showed who he really is. A very strong performance. Nice vocal and great song. Paula feels like Phil really found his comfort and that this was his best. Simon says that he really likes Phil but advised him to stick with “the more country tone” because that suits him. He could actually do very well in this show because people like him. I agree. Phil really showed it tonight.

Simon visited a food pantry that gives food to thousands of people in America. He is very surprised that this existed a mere 20 minutes from his residence. No offense to Simon or anyone else, but I truly feel that the rich sometimes live in a bubble. They just don’t seem to be aware that not everybody is as fortunate as they are. There are 50,000 places like this all over the country. One woman alluded to that bubble simply by stating that “nobody knows that people are starving in America.” POP! Touched, Simon asked for a hug.

Jordin Sparks – You’ll Never Walk Alone

Looking beautiful in a brown dress and gold heels, she started the song softly and built it up until I got those free goosebumps everyone talks about. A star is born. All I can say is “Wow.” Randy thinks that it was one of the best vocals by a contestant in any season and she is ONLY SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. “That was the hottest tonight America.” Paula thought she picked a great song to close the show with. A very haunting song and only someone with her vocals could pull it off. Simon simply stated that she was fantastic and that she “could have a hit record with that.” Yep, no matter how this competition turns out, Jordin Sparks is here to stay. She is AMAZING.

After watching a recap of the night’s performances, I think that the bottom three will be: Chris, Blake and Lakisha. Who will be leaving is a complete toss-up. Chris has been up and down all season, while Blake has had two rather “blah” weeks. Lakisha has rehashed two former Idol signature songs in two weeks. Honestly, it was not a very intelligent thing to do. Will her obvious vocal talent see her through? We’ll see. So stay tuned………………….

America (and Simon) says Adios to Sanjaya. Idol Results Recap

Tonight we are going to find out the answer to the ultimate question — is Sanjaya finally ending his journey on American Idol?

Speaking of Sanjaya, I read something today that made me think about how he is going to handle public opinion. Evidently Sanjaya was watching a baseball game in Los Angeles with friends when his image was shown on the big screen. The crowd booed. At first, he smiled and waved, but when the booing started, he looked positively miserable. I guess with all the controversy surrounding Sanjaya, we seem to be losing sight of the fact that he is just a kid.

I can only hope that Sanjaya’s Idol experience doesn’t end up paying for some shrink’s beach house in Malibu.

Again, we are going to be entertained by an entire fun-packed hour of sponsor breaks and producer initiated filler. Due to my new-found respect for country music, the highlight will be a performance by Martina McBride.

Last night we went country and the country came back with its response. Again, the contestants were lined up like shooting gallery ducks and Ryan walked the line down to Sanjaya at the end and asked, “Is your favorite safe” while gazing meaningfully at Sanjaya. C’mon now, last week it was kinda cute, this week it’s just, well, OLD.

Ryan was wearing a conservative gray suit. Randy must have picked his clothes off the floor of a closet on the set of MTV’s “YO MTV Raps” and the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Paula looked rather conservative….for Paula. Simon rocked it out in a navy(?) sweater this week.

Ryan addressed the controversy that has been brewing about Simon’s alleged eyeroll during Chris’ condolences to Virginia Tech. Simon explained that he was conversing with Paula about Chris’ nasally performance and didn’t even hear when he said. Simply stated, he said “I may not be the nicest person in the world, but I would never, ever disrespect the families or the victims and I felt it was important to set the record straight.” The TV screen split and showed that he was, indeed, talking to Paula and completely unaware of what else was going on. Maybe we can just move on now.

Of course, we revisited clips of last night’s performances and while I enjoyed seeing Phil, Jordin and Melinda again, the rest of them left me wishing for hearing aids I could shut off.

Onto another time filling man-on-the-street with Ryan outside the Kodak theater. Ho hum. Although a lady said that Sanjaya looked like a little “girly, girly sweetie boy and “he ain’t all that”, and the young girls heart Blake – we really didn’t learn anything new. Moving on….

“I’m Alright” THE GROUP SONG…..yawwwnnnnn. Thank God for DVR. Pure cheese. The Idols seemed to be enjoying themselves but I really just want to get on with it.

Another AI challenge no-brainer: Which one of this year’s Idol finalists was known as the rocker. Photos of Brandon, Stephanie and Gina Glockson were on the screen. Can you say “duhhhhh”? Must be getting harder and harder to come up with those questions. Just for fun, instead of using the text-messaging, vote on-line instead.

The finalists are seated on the couches and asked what music they were listening to at the moment. It was about what you’d expect: Jordin – Fergie’s Glamorous; Melinda – Kirk Franklin; Lakisha – Yolanda Adams; Blake – Incubus (huge surprise there); Chris – Jason Mraz & Maroon 5. Oh, and scoring some brownie points a bit late with Peter Noone; Sanjaya was downloading country and blues; Phil was stoking his inner pot-head with Willie Nelson. Well….alrighty then.

We’ve now killed more time so now we can introduce Fergie with her telecasted performance. Interesting choice for a LIVE country-themed show. Fast forward…sorry Fergie but I just don’t care.

 

“I Ran”….so far away into a Ford. Yes, boys and girls. It’s the Ford commercial set to the theme of a spy movie. The wardrobe was trenchcoats and Blake was channeling his inner grandpa with the plaid trousers. Oooh baby, baby. blech. Ms. Lakisha showed her ‘double’ assets, er, agents. Yawwwwwn. Movin’ on.

KUDOS to those corporations who have given to the Idol Gives Back cause. Now myspace.com is in on the action and has an Idol Gives Back community which we are all encouraged to join at www.myspace.com/idolgivesback. I did a free plug for this extravaganza so do I get a free ticket? Personally, I’d like to see who “this duet you have to see to believe” is. Probably Celine Dion and either Sting or Bono.

OH, what is this? THE RESULTS……Gee, with all this other stuff, I kinda forgot what we’re here for.

First row on the couches is Jordin, Chris and Blake. Top row is Lakisha, Melinda, Phil and Sanjaya. “7 faces and 6 places.” Clever. Who is heading back to the real world? We know Ryan will have to have some prolonged drama planned and he does! A new tactic will be to split the 7 finalists: one with the highest number of votes, the other with the lowest.

Sanjaya to stage right. Phil to stage left. Hmmmmmm, interesting. Jordin joins Phil (which, judging from the applause should mean they are SAFE.). Lakisha joins Sanjaya on the right. Blake joins Lakisha and Sanjaya. Now this is getting interesting. It could go either way now and I can see Jordin getting more nervous. Chris heads left to Phil and Jordin.

 

 

Which leaves Melinda. Where will she go? Ryan wastes no time in telling Melinda she is SAFE. But now he delves into the realm of the truly tacky and tells Melinda to join the group SHE thinks is SAFE. Oh HELL no! She refuses to feed into that insanity and parks her keister smack down on the floor. Good for you. Ryan, who now has to find somehow to play it off tells her to “slide on over to the left.”

And here is the bottom three: Sanjaya, Lakisha and the real shocker: Blake. Blake himself looked stunned as he now realizes to take nothing for granted. Randy thinks it’s crazy that Blake is up there. Paula hopes Blake’s grandmother in the audience isn’t getting too upset. She understands why TWO of them are up there. Simon was grinning because he is “beginning to sense something here. ” Who will be heading home……we’ll find out after the break. Martina’s performance, more filler. Pull those toenails off one by one. Sigh.

WELCOME BACK…..to Ryan sitting with the bottom three who”would like him to get on with things BUT………..THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL. More filler and promotion. The Idols were loaded onto the magic bus to go to Dreamworks studio, meet Jeffrey Katzenburg and preview Shrek 3. OK, kinda cool. They even got to play around in the recording studio.

 

And now an intro. that can turn my inner child into my inner Ho…Antonio Banderas. Of course he was accompanied by Melanie Griffith and her daughter Dakota. The celebrity bar has been raised. Sure beats the hell out of the Eva Longoria sighting last week. Yawwwwnnnn, she’s such a media whore. B.O.R.I.N.G.  Who’s next, Paris Hilton?

 

Martina McBride was next. OK, I really am a new fan of country, at the very least, a fan of Martina. There was no bells and whistles, no smoke and pyro – just a beautiful voice and a song that stands on it’s own. Bellisimo!

 

Martina’s daughter joins her on stage after the song and offers her own critique of the final 7. “You’re all really, really good.” Martina was asked who she thought was headed home……and diplomatically said that America made that decision and we’d all find out after the break.

FINALLY, we get to the point of the show. Who is going home? Ryan eases the pain for one of them and sends BLAKE back to his seat. What do you want to bet that next week we see alot of beatbopping? Which leaves Lakisha and Sanjaya. America voted…after the biggest top 7 vote in American Idol history….

SANJAYA……………is going home tonight. You could hear the crack of pre-pubescent hearts breaking all over America. Lakisha, obviously deeply relieved by her free pass to next week, stayed to comfort Sanjaya as he emotionally watched his long Idol journey. Next was my personal pet peeve: the exit song. “America thought you sucked eggs last night so lets do a replay.” ACK. I have to hand it to the kid, he has spunk changing the last line to “How about hair, hair, hair?

Well, Sanjaya’s journey ended and he really did give us all something to talk about. And Simon something to BITCH about. I wonder who is going to take his place as the main source of entertainment for critics and bloggers everywhere. Bye, bye little Sanjaya. We wish you well. Something tells me that America hasn’t seen the last of him.

Stay tuned next week for extended coverage of Idol Gives Back.

 

Idol Recap: Jordin WOW’s Simon, Sanjaya is back to his old tricks and Melinda finds the fountain of youth.

It’s country week on American Idol. Who will rise to the challenge?

Before I begin, I have to admit my knowledge of country music and its artists is limited. I can barely tell the difference between Faith Hill, Shania Twain and Wynona. You’d think a person who lives deep in the heart of one of the more “redneck” counties in Florida would be more in tune with the culture. But, alas, I’m a New Yawker. Lover of hair metal and Frank Sinatra.

Why am I explaining all this? Probably because I may need some legitimate justification when I mix up Faith and Reba or decide that all truck and tractor songs sound alike. Before all you country music fans get your red, white and blue knickers in a wad, I don’t dislike country music. I am just relatively unfamiliar with it. I’m the one, however, who will stop channel surfing on CMT only if there is a good looking man strumming his gee-tar. During my bartending days, there was always somebody on the jukebox singing of having friends in low places who have broken their achy breaky heart. That is the total extent of my country experience.

One thing I will say about the country style — the men have got it going on. They wear jeans the way they were MEANT to be worn. Tight and faded – not six sizes too big and exposing the continental divide of butt crack. OK, so I can do without belt buckles the size of one’s head, but the fit of the jeans……………, well it keeps me coming back. Who knows? Eventually I may even be able to match artist to song.

Back to Idol……this week’s mentor is Martina McBride. Isn’t anybody wondering just what Sanjaya has in store for us? I have this mental vision of his coming out looking like ‘My Little Pony”. Truthfully, I think this week may belong to the men. Chris R. has that nasally twang that is tailor-made for country. Phil has already attempted (ok, butchered) a Faith Hill number but he is, at least, familiar with the genre’. Another vision: a bug-eyed praying mantis in a black cowboy hat. brrrrrrrrrr. Blake seems to be able to adapt to most styles and I’m looking forward to a beatboxing version of – wow, drew a blank there. And with the right song choice like last week, Sanjaya may just surprise everyone.

On the other hand, Melinda and Lakisha will more than likely have problems this week. Melinda will probably unearth some old, sad Patsy Cline boo-hooing in the beer ballad. Lakisha will go after some old classic number as well. I can see Jordin attempting Shania, Carrie Underwood or maybe Martina herself, but it will be a struggle, I think. I can’t help thinking that if Haley were still here, she’d probably choose “Man, I Feel Like a Woman”. And may actually have pulled it off, “men’s shirts, SHORT skirts, oh, oh, oh” and all. (thank God for the drunk at the end of the bar with the Shania fetish). On to the recap—

The show began on a somber note as Ryan offered condolences on behalf of all at American Idol to those affected by the horrible tragedy at Virginia Tech.

I expected for country week that the judges would get into the spirit but they were all rather sedate. Paula did, however, seem to be dangling IUD’s from her ears.

Martina McBride’s 15 years of accomplishments were announced, which include 23 music awards, $16 million in sales and 22 top 10 hits. She took time out of her tour to mentor the top 7 and show them how to make country contemporary. Her advice was spot on, “Country music is about story telling and the best country songs sound like conversation. You have to make people believe that you believe what you’re singing.” Lakisha and Melinda looked a bit lost during this exchange. Her final advice to the Idols was to “connect with the lyric and forget about everything but telling the story.” They “shouldn’t worry about it being country music. It’s still just songs – great songs with great melodies and they shouldn’t get hung up on havng to fit into certain genre’.” I liked her parting words “I know Simon isn’t a big fan of country music – so far – but maybe tonight we’ll change his mind.” I quoted all of this because she even made hair metal me want to listen to more country music.

Phil Stacey – Where the Blacktop Ends

Phil drew the short straw tonight. Martina thought the first part of the song sounded a little stiff and a little precise but toward the end, he did a great soulful lick. Get more of that into the song.

He entered the stage, all in black, which brought out his inner Nosterafu. But, WOW. What a difference a week makes. Phil was great. He even showed personality. His disadvantage will be from going first. Randy was very surprised at how good Phil was and said that “from a producers point of view, you could have a career country music, man.” Paula thought he sounded good from the beginning to the end. Simon said it was the only time in a long, long time where the song choice was good, the singing was good and “we actually saw some personality.” Phil said that this was the kind of music he wanted to do. He really looked happy and this week he may have sung himself out of the bottom three.

Jordin Sparks – Broken Wing

Jordin was scared to sing the song in front of the person who recorded it. Martina’s response, “That was awesome” but cautioned that the song really isn’t about moving..it’s so strong. Jordin wants to make her proud. And she did.

I’m a fan. Her performance was simply phenomenal. She took Martina’s advice and let the song stand. Randy stated it was probably one of the most difficult songs to sing because when it was originally done, it was done right. He liked the way she started the song… “it was the bomb”! Paula thought she did a fantastic job and liked the way she built the song and told the story. Simon delivered the mind-blower to Jordin when he said that this was the first time since they had met – based on this performance – that she could actually win American Idol.  Hey Simon, weren’t you paying attention when she brought down the house with “I Who Have Nothing”? She raised the bar. Can Lakisha and Melinda reach it?

AFTER THE COMMERCIAL, Sanjaya was on the hotseat to answer a viewer question, which was “If you could make one of the judges sing a song, who would you pick and what would you make them sing? (Oh, I’m laughing already). He said he’d have Simon Cowell sing “Shining [shinY] Happy People” so that he could show his true personality. I am really trying to stop laughing………….

Sanjaya – Something to Talk About.

His look was not “My Little Pony” as I previously predicted, but it was definiately Dandelion Country meets the Hood. Martina thought he made a good song choice. Sanjaya said he chose the song because he says he often gives people something to talk about.  While he showed more confidence in his performance, he did not meet last week’s standards. Not even close.  In fact, it was probably the WORST he’s sounded. Randy called it “very karaoke.” Paula: “Well, we are watching someone who loves adversity.” And “you thrive on it.” But the vocals were ‘eh”. Simon: “Utterly horrendous” and “As bad as anything seen at the beginning of Idol.” Ryan called Simon to account by stating that “even if it wasn’t his best performance, you’ve never really liked this guy so was it the song or do you just not like Sanjaya?” Wooooo. Simon obviously doesn’t like being called out on his behavior but he made the point for the millionth time this season,  “I know this has been funny for a while, but based on the fact that we are supposed to be finding an American Idol, it was hideous. A ridiculous choice of song.”  End of story.

Lakisha – Jesus Take the Wheel

Martina felt Lakisha, very wisely, chose a song that she relates to. She felt Lakisha was very connected to the lyrics and she was very moved. Looked cery classy in a simply brown dress with boots. Miles better than last week but I wasn’t wrong in thinking this week may be difficult for her. You could really feel her emotion, yet she was almost shouting the lyrics toward the end. Randy heard some pitch problems and didn’t think it was her best vocals. Felt she could have done more to make it her own. Paula agreed with what Randy was saying and then stated, “But so what, you’re still brilliant.” Which was it? Simon didn’t think her and the song went well together – sort of like eating a hamburger for breakfast. Didn’t feel like it had a natural soul to it. Lakisha may have secured her spot in the bottom-feeders club this week, although she’ll probably be safe.

Chris- Mayberry

Chris has those country roots. Martina had some doubts about the song choice until he sang it. She feels that country is his genre’ and that he has the voice for it and that he’s very versatile. Now, I don’t know what this song was supposed to sound like, but it sounded merely OK to me. Nothing spectacular. His voice fits but it was boring. Randy was wondering how he was going to do country week. Said he sang it ok…still a bit nasally with some pitch problems. Didn’t feel like he connected with the song. Paula felt that the joy and love he has on stage just didn’t come through. Simon feels that he and the audience hear 2 different things. Chris got a standing ovation but what Simon heard was a very nondescript, nasally, tinny vocal. No impact at all. “Completely and utterly insignificant.”

Ryan thinks Simon hears different things because his head is so big. Chris pointed out to Simon that ‘nasally is a form of singing.”  Simon was incredulous, “So it’s intentional?”  And then the most ridiculous statement ever by Chris:  “It’s not like I do it every week.”  So you’re telling me that the nasally whine I hear week after week is my television?  Word of advice, Chris — take the criticism graciously.  Be thankful you aren’t the target of a verbal massacre week after week like Sanjaya.  Listen to the playback of your performances and you’ll see that you ARE nasally week after week.  

Melinda – Trouble is a Woman

OK, I need some ketchup to help me swallow my words. No Patsy Cline. Martina had hever heard the song before and it worried her a bit, however, Melinda won her over. Really sold the song. 

Melinda found two very important things this week: the fountain of youth and a neck. The outfit was very “today”, although I wasn’t wild about the color and her hair style took off 10 years. She really worked this song. I wasn’t bored. All Randy could say was that it was another solid performance by the resident pro. Paula was all compliments and Simon called her out on the “aw shucks, am I really good?” demeanor by saying, “I’m about to compliment you and I want you to lose the surprise.” “It was fantastic”. He even saw a bit of Tina Turner in her. Wow.

Blake – When the Stars Go Blue

Martina mentioned that she had spoken to Tim McGraw and he said that he hoped someone would do that particular song.
Blake conceded that this was a “departure” for him and I can imagine it was way out of his comfort zone. Martina hopes that he relaxes when he sings it on the show and that he zones in on the lyrics.  Not my favorite from him by far but better than I expected. I was sort of hoping he’d add some beatboxing or what we call “Blakiness” to the song.  He didn’t, although he stuck by his weekly “plaid” theme and was wearing an outfit that made him look like a cross between Dilbert and Dennis the Menace. Randy liked his style, the arrangement and the fact that it was the right song. Paula feels he has the whole package. It didn’t make Simon jump out of his chair but he did concede on the song choice. And he showed his heart for the second time in as many weeks by extending his personal condolences to the families affected by the VT tragedy.

Well, we got through the night without the old stand-by’s of Hank Williams, Dolly Parton or Patsy Cline. I learned that there is some country I would actually buy and listen to on road-trips.

So, who will be this week’s bottom feeders? Like I said, I think Phil may have relinquished his place in the bottome three – at least for this week. So I’ll take a guess at Chris, Sanjaya and Lakisha. It really IS time to say good-bye to Sanjaya, but Simon’s crucifixion probably bought him another week. Lakisha will make it through as well, but she had better start focusing on her song choices. My prediction is that it will probably be Chris. Not that he really deserves to go – YET, but he’s been in the bottom three twice already so that will count against him. I don’t know, it’s really a crapshoot. So stay tuned……..

Idol results: Haley and her hot pants are history. Sanjaya squeaks by another week.

We’re back to the hour-long results show. For the last 4 weeks, Idol has managed to cram everything into 30 minutes. OK, the cheesy GROUP SONG was replaced by Idol Gives Back promo; and a couple of the eliminated contestants got cheated out of their exit song but, all in all, we all got what it was we really tuned in for: THE RESULTS! The RESULTS are what matters, right?

So, all in all, out of the extra 30 minutes, let’s see how much actual SHOW we’re going to get. First we have to subtract the extra commercial breaks, which amount to at least 20 minutes. Must get those sponsor dollars: “Get down you sinners, to streetwise religion, GREED’s been crowned the new king.”** The celebrity mentor will have a bit of extra time to plug his/her latest and greatest CD – about 3 minutes. Just long enough to plug the CD, give tour information, latest movie role and their next guest appearance on Hollywood Squares. Cheesy GROUP SONG – 5 minutes. Which leaves a whopping 2 minutes for the exit song. Hardly seems worth it. But, I could be wrong.

Now on to the results.

The camera cuts to the contestants all lined up like ducks at a shooting gallery. Ryan slowly walks down the line, reminding them that one of them is going home. No kidding. When he came to Sanjaya at the end of the line, the ‘going home’ statement seemed to be directed straight at him.

Ryan, looking very GQ in his pinstripe suit, tells us there are updates on the songwriting competition and more information about Idol Gives Back.

The judges – well Randy and Paula – appeared to have overdosed on the Bling. Paula’s outfit looked like she stole it out of King Tut’s tomb. Simon was decked out in his usual gray and conceded that he DID actually give Sanjaya a compliment. Would you like some Milk of Magnesia?

The first of my earlier predictions came true: the GROUP SONG is back – Bailamos (Tonight we Dance). I didn’t fast forward it like I usually do, mainly because I like Latin music and wanted to hear just how Idol would manage this one. From the beginning off-notes by Chris to the cheesy choreography, it was a mess. And an embarassment. There were some highlights: Jordin Sparks who – excuse the pun – sparkled and Lakisha turned up the heat. Interesting observation: the weakest sounding part of the song was sung by the duo of Sanjaya and Haley, who was wearing Kat McPhee’s hair extensions AND botched the lyrics. Again.

BACK FROM THE BREAK!

The Idol contestant winner from last week is in the audience, proving that people actually do win. This week, the big question is “Which finalist performed with Meatloaf during last year’s finale?” Pictures of Elliott Yamin, Kat McPhee, and Taylor Hicks, respectively, are shown.

This was a bit of a surprise. Ryan ventured out among the unwashed masses at the Farmer’s Market to get people’s opinion of last night’s show. The results were as expected: the little girls and middle-aged woman love Sanjaya, a man remarked specifically on the ‘girl who was dancing around not wearing alot of clothes’, and a little girl who didn’t like anybody. Yawwwwwnnnn! Can we get back to the show now, please?

Ryan went right into introducing one of the producer’s time fill-ins, former guest background “woohoo-er” Akon. I wonder why he didn’t do more than “woo hoo” when he was here with Gwen Stefani? There is a story there, I’m sure.

AFTER THE COMMERCIAL the contestants are ‘Happy Together’ sitting in a Ford. The computerized special effects made me feel like I was on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Blech.

More news from the corporate front: News Corporation, the parent company of FOX pledged 5 MILLION DOLLARS to Idol Gives Back. Finally, an actual dollar figure. I supposed it’s because this was the BIGGEST DONATION YET!. Simon shows some of his heart in Africa. The best – the absolute BEST – moment of this show so far was the picture a little African girl drew of Simon. Complete with breasts. “Even in Africa they think you need a bra”, quipped Ryan. Simon actually blushed. We were then treated to a spoof of Tony Bennett doing a bad audition for Idol. 80 years old and still hotter than some 40 year olds I know.

FINALLY…we get to the contestants. Of course there is a rehash of last night’s performances. We got to see the good, the bad and the naked. Ryan asked Haley if she was offended by Simon’s remarks last night…..she didn’t say she was offended but admitted that he hurt her feelings.

On the chairs we have in the bottom row: Melinda, Haley, Blake, Chris. The top row is Phil, Lakisha, Jordin, Sanjaya. Of course, the three with the lowest number of votes will have to make that long walk to center stage. Starting at the top row: Phil takes up what is slowly becoming his permanent spot center stage in the bottom three. Lakisha is SAFE. Jordin is SAFE. Sanjaya is….. “Sit down for a moment. I’ll get back to you.” OK, we get it. The required dramatic effect. Melinda is SAFE. Haley is NOT safe. She is in the bottom three. Phil and Haley, card carrying members of the ‘bottom feeders club,’ stand at center stage awaiting their newest member. Sanjaya…..gets to wait again. Blake is SAFE. Chris and Sanjaya are left and only one of them is safe. Which one will it be? More drama. After the vote……”Sanjaya, I’ve been telling you to sit all night and now I’m telling you to sit again.” SAFE! Big audience boo’s when Chris took his spot with the others in the bottom three.

Now Ryan gets to have some fun and send one back to their seat. Phil, who has always slid by with a quick, safe ride before is not getting off so easy this time. He has to sweat it out. So does Haley. Chris can sit down. He is SAFE.

I missed some of what followed due to our local news station breaking in for a severe weather alert. Evidently, there were tornadoes in our area. Since I’ve written and posted this little gem, it is apparent that nobody has dropped a house on me, nor has my humble abode taken a trip to the Land of Oz. I did, however, miss most of the footage of J-Lo commiserating with the Idol contestants. I did manage to tune back in time to see her perform a cut from the new CD. She was wearing a long gauzy tunic draped over leggings with over-the-knee boots. She was also sporting about 50 lbs. of silver on her arms. No matter, I liked it. I’d wear it. But I’m known for my offbeat clothing style so those that know me would not be surprised. And do my eyes deceive me? Is that really SIMON standing up and clapping? Ryan was sweating from all the pyro. Pyro? Jennifer quickly expressed her KUDOS to the contestants and let them know she appreciated how hard they worked. She didn’t agree with all of the judge’s feedback, admitting that she belongs to the Paula school of criticism. “Not that we don’t need our Simon.”

Now that the producers have shown us all the “fill in” drek they had scheduled, we are finally back to the final two. Who leaves us tonight? The lights are dimmed and we are reminded that last week we had the highest amount of votes for the season. 35 million. Phil is SAFE. Did anybody else catch the look of complete surprise on his face? Nobody else in contestant row looked surprised, however, as Haley’s departure was inevitable. Of course, we are treated to her “Idol journey” video, followed by her exit song. As with the other ousted contestants, the exit song was a painful reminder of why they are going home. Phil, big eyes and all, will be here next week to sing country with Martina McBride. Haley is now free to join Kat McPhee posing on red carpets all over Hollywood. And we thought it was all about the singing! Now there are seven………….

**From the song “Wildside” by Motley Crue

American Idol Recap: Sanjaya croons a love song in Spanish and Haley hooches it up.

Backstage live for Latin night with the final eight. Who will make the cut? THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL.

Ryan appears looking very Rico Suarez and he quickly goes to introduce the judges. Randy is decked out in a striped shirt that just sort of reminded me of some wallpaper I saw in the ladies room at the Marriott. Paula, on the other hand, looked like she just came from hostessing at Olive Garden. Party of four, please. Simon was his usual fashionista self in a gray sweater. Yawwwwwwnnnn.

A quick camera pan to the audience shows the cast of Drive and the Monkees’ Mickey Dolenz. We are reminded that this is a show WE control.

This week, the celebrity mentor is J-Lo and we are given a synopsis of her diverse career, noting her string of chart topping multi platinum hits and movie career. Highlighted, of course, was her new CD which is in the number one spot on Billboards’ Latin charts. Ms. Lopez mentoring style was very low key. She pointed out the different ‘vibes’ and styles of the contestants and noted that with Latin music; the key is passion. “It is not the one who hits the high note but the one that makes you feel good.” She admits to watching Idol at her house and has her favorites; although she won’t tell who they are. Good answer.

Melinda Doolittle – Sway

An old but popular song, one which J-Lo recorded in Spanish. She cautioned Mel to be sexy and sultry, a challenge Melinda herself admitted to as she doesn’t feel she is sexy.  There is definitely some truth to that because dear Mel appeared very uncomfortable and I have to again question her age.  Her style was pure “Dick Van Dyke Show”. The hairstyle (minus the signature bow) and the pearls look like they were dusted off and resurrected from the Sally Rogers collection while the dress was pure Laura Petrie.  The only thing missing was Dick Van Dyke himself tripping over the ottoman. Wow, I really do watch too much Nick at Night.

Melinda’s ‘sultry’ seemed very forced and the actual performance was lacking BUT……the vocals were awesome as usual.   Awesome, but somehow boring. Randy didn’t think it was her best but a very solid performance. Paula thought it was “smooth” and that she looked great. Not a performance where she had to “WOW” us. Simon cut to the chase and did what he said just last week he’d never be able to do: criticize her. “Well it had to happen, Melinda. I didn’t like it”. The song was about personality and she didn’t show much. It was “cabaret” and “wooden.” Melinda said she was happy because she knew that Simon really wanted to say something bad and now he got the chance. Always a bit snarky, Ryan said “Simon you’ve come home.”

Next up to the plate was Lakisha with a question from the audience. “What made you try out for AI?” Easy answer: Provide a better life for her daughter and to use the voice God blessed her with.

Lakisha – Conga

Ms. Lopez didn’t say too much about Lakisha but did coach her on movement, which was to “move with rhythm” and basically “less is more.” Less did not apply to her outfit. Our Kiki was a red hot mama in a red and black satin dress with cleavage down to ‘there’, sleek hair and red lips.  It amazed me that one of her boobs did not manage to flop out to say hello.  IMHO, she outshone Melinda this week – not so much in vocals but definitely in attitude. She looked like she was really having a great time, working the audience. Loved that little flick of the flounce of her dress.  What Randy loved about the performance is that she was having a great time. She made it her own. “Hot, baby.” Paula thought she looked lovely but didn’t feel “it” as much as Randy did. “A real safe Lakisha.” Simon  stated that Lakisha was having fun but was not sure how much fun the people at home were having. Thhhbbbbttttt! Simon missed the mark on this one, I think.

We are now two weeks away from Idol Gives Back. More exciting news: Rascal Flats, Il Divo and Earth, Wind and Fire will be joining the already overflowing all-star line-up.

Chris Richardson – Smooth

J-Lo noticed that he was singing in a key that was way too low she her advice was to bring it up some.   Center stage with a bongo player and guitarist, Chris was dressed in the obligatory Latin black and red. His shirt looked like a child decorated it using Spirograph. The song sounded weird and a bit “off” to me. After hearing the judge’s remarks, I ran it back a few times because I seemed to be the only one who thought it wasn’t very good.  It didn’t completely suck, but it just sounded odd. All the re-runs didn’t change my mind.  Blah and nasal.  Randy thought he did a really good job and liked that he did some vocal runs at the end. Paula gushed, “It was a hot, hot performance.”  Evidently he really lit a fire under her ass the way she was shakin’ her groove thang.  Down girl. Simon won’t say it was the best vocal he’d ever heard because it wasn’t…BUT he preferred it over Lakisha and Melinda’ s “hotel cabaret” performances.

Haley (Hoochie McPhee) – Turn the Beat Around

Haley resurrected her British Invasion look with very short shorts and halter top. If those shorts were any shorter, they’d be butt floss. At least this time she wore a brassiere. Sexy without class is just slutty – one distinction Haley just cannot seem to make.

Ms. Lopez commented that Haley’s song choice is hard to sing  and she needed to “bite the words”. During practice Blake was summoned to come in and beatbox because a drumbeat was needed. “It’s almost like a rap and you have to throw it at people and that’s what she’s going to have to do to win this week.”

This was completely all surface and no substance. Even though this was a song “all about rhythm” and a great dance song,  nobody was really dancing.  Neither was Idol’s resident dancing fool, Ms. Abdul.  This did not bode well.  Randy kept it honest and real…”really karaoke” and noted that he could have seen and heard this anywhere; at any bar. Paula, at a loss for anything really nice to say noted that it was a fun song and that Haley had fun up there. (translated: You suck.  Adios!). Simon was brutally honest. He said she had a ‘Very good tactic right now -  wear the least amount of clothes possible.”  “She cant succeed in this competition based on her voice. ” OUCH, but true.  If by some miracle she survives this week, she’ll have to perform wearing nothing but a thong and stilettos.

Phil Stacey – Maria Maria

Poor Phil was so in awe of J-Lo that whenever he looked over at her, he forgot what he was singing. Her advice was to think of anybody else, no matter who it is. Evidently he did it because he gave Ms. Lopez something money can’t buy: goosebumps. I never thought I’d hear anyone say Phil gave them goosebumps for any reason other than seeing him peeping in the bedroom window at night. His style has evolved into something I can’t quite figure out.  He also appeared to have found himself some good anti-perspirant because he wasn’t dripping with sweat. Hmmmmmm. He didn’t sound half-bad but I thought I heard a bad note in there. Smooth. Randy didn’t know if it was his best performance because he didn’t really connect with the passion of the song. Randy also noticed the cracks at the end so it wasn’t just me. Paula felt that vocally, with the exception of the end, it was very good. Simon thinks he’s a nice guy and he chose a good song but he found it lifeless, flat with no originality and he, too, noticed the crack at the end.

Jordin is in the hotseat with another viewer question: If she was in charge of choosing next week’s theme, what would it be? My dear Jordin said she’d choose 80’s music because she loves it, even though she was born in 89. Girl after my own heart.  I’d love to see her (and everyone else) take a stab at 80’s hair metal.

Jordin – Rhythm is Going To Get You.

J-Lo thinks Jordin has a sweet voice and that she sounded a bit like Michael Jackson (huh???). She also liked the added soul and the way she made it her own. J-Lo wants to see her rock it. And she did. She looked gorgeous, proving that you can look great, sexy AND classy without looking like a $2 slut (get it Haley?). She sounded great as usual. Of all the female performances, this was by far the best tonight. Fresh, saucy. Fun. Randy said she had the “ yo factor on blast!” Paula thinks she is authentic, fun and adorable. Simon felt about what he felt all night…just OK. He didn’t see anything special about any of the performances this week and that was very frustrating to him.

Blake – I Need To Know

“The songs have to mean something – they have to come from somewhere or else they’ll leave people feeling vacant, like they’ve just walked into a song”, so cautioned J-Lo. She wanted Blake to get into the passion of the song. Can he keep up with Marc Antony? J-Lo thinks he’ll do really well. Blake is still in golfer mode with those snazzy white pants, fresh off the 18th hole.  What is WITH that? Loved the red shirt, but the fedora has to go.  Remember when Jared tried to channel Marvin Gaye with the wardrobe?  Well, Blake consistently tries to channel my grandfather with his: all he’s been missing is the white shoes – white belt combo.  Wardrobe issues aside, Blake did find the passion in the song.  I really liked this one. He did a helluva job. Randy thought it was the best song choice of the night. “Hot.” Paula: “Very smart choice” and felt it “captured the essence of who he is.” Simon felt it was the best choice of song AND best performance of the night.  But we haven’t seen the closing performer:

The inimitable Sanjaya. “The embodiment of Latin Passion.”

Sanjaya Malakar – Besame Mucho

Idol’s resident cankar sore really impressed Ms. Lopez. “I love Sanjaya”. (Wow, another ‘Fanjaya’). Looks like he got his lustrous locks cut and adopted a scruffy look.  One question, however:  is that new-found scruffiness due to a few swipes of an eyebrow pencil?  J-Lo thinks the song is a good choice for him and she thinks Simon may be impressed. Really? Actually, I hate to admit this, but I was a little impressed myself. I guess when you expect something to suck and it doesn’t…well, a pleasant surprise. I heard what I heard at his audition. Singing without any affectation or funky hair-do’s. The song suited his softer vocal tones. And he sang it in Spanish.  Good tactic because the majority of the audience couldn’t figure out if he was off key or forgot the words.  I actually sort of liked it. Randy: “That was actually really good.” and called him “one of the smartest contestants I have ever met.” I loved the surprised look on his face. Paula: “Smooth. Nice. Very, very nice.” Again, surprised. Simon couldn’t understand a word of it (duhhhh, Spanish) and thought that he sang it like a 14-year old. And then he said what he will really hate himself for saying, “it wasn’t horrible.” I don’t know who was more surprised:  Sanjaya or Simon. Ryan remarked that the “it wasn’t horrible” comment was probably very painful for Simon to get out.  Hehehe…he DID look a bit constipated come to think of it.

So there it is.   Red hot Latin night was really only lukewarm. Sanjaya probably brought himself another week and Haley more than likely bought herself a ticket back to the red light district of New Orleans. My bottom three this week? Haley, Phil and Lakisha. Who will be leaving? Logic would say Haley but this season has not really been about logic, now has it?  Stay tuned………………………..

People will buy ANYTHING off E-bay

Just doing some surfing and came upon this little item:

A SANJAYA MALAKAR doll. Now I’ve seen it all.

The current high bid for this item, according to americanidolworship.com and E-bay was $102!!!! Can you imagine??? If I woke up in the middle of the night and saw that monstrosity, I’d think Chucky had taken on a new persona. Yikes.

Then again, it must be nice to have the kind of money to be able to throw it away on drek like this. Put a pink shirt on it, lipstick and pantyhose and a Mary Kay Sales Director will just HAVE to have it. But that’s another story.

Idol Recap….America says Good-bye to Gina and Tony Bennett gets the Flu

The tension mounts. Even Tony Bennett can’t help them now. Someone is going home. Will it be Sanjaya? We’ll soon find out because THIS.IS.AMERICAN.IDOL.

Ryan enters wearing a dapper pin-stripe suit – much removed from his gangster look from last night. A quick shot to the judges. Randy is still wearing a science project while Paula is wearing what I swear are my grandmothers lace curtains. Simon is, well, Simon.

A quick rehash of last night’s performances, ever reminding us of what was right AND what was wrong. We got to see Sanjaya’s fancy footwork again and relive some of the judge’s commentary.

Let’s Get Together and Feel Alright in a Ford. Yes, the dreaded Ford commercial. This one was not quite as cheesy as the rest of them. It had a sort of ‘Key West’ feel to it. The cameo by Kermit the Frog was a nice touch.

Next was the announcement of the American Idol songwriter contest. For the next two weeks, log on to the website and enter your song. The winner’s song will be performed on the finale. I’d like to see the contestants be able to choose to sing their own material as long as it is in keeping with the ‘theme’ of the week.

Now it’s down to the wire. The contestants are divided into groups of three: the top three, the middle three and the bottom three. Looking at the groupings, it is almost obvious who belongs where. Group One: Chris R., Blake and Sanjaya. Group Two: Phil, Haley and Gina. Group Three: Jordin, Lakisha and Melinda. Ryan intones, “America voted…….here’s where we take a break. But not tonight.” Okay, Okay, we get it. You have to be a bit dramatic. Make them sweat a little. Jordin, Melinda and Lakisha are all SAFE and are the top three. No great surprise there. Blake, Chris R. and Sanjaya are “not the top three, but not the bottom three either.” SAFE. Which leaves Haley, Phil and Gina as the bottom dwellers this week. Phil and Haley looked resigned to their spot but Gina looked a bit shell-shocked and was trying to keep up a good face. Of the three, Haley definitely deserves to be handed her walking papers.

Before we find out who is leaving, we’re introduced to the winner from last weeks AI challenge, all the way from Alaska. This week’s big question: “This AI finalist was jokingly referred to as ‘Chicken Little’” On the monitor, pictures are flashed of Kevin Corvais, Bucky Covington and Taylor Hicks. Ryan says he doesn’t come up with the questions, he just asks them. It is announced that Allstate made a generous contribution to American Idol Gives Back. Too bad Allstate didn’t give back to the thousands of Florida residents it left hanging high and dry. Oh, sorry, that was personal. I digress.

Due to the flu, Tony Bennett was unable to perform but, as a consolation prize, Michael Buble’ will sing instead. Call Me Irresponsible….or Call Me Buzzed: which one was it? I guess it’s time to get up and get a soda…yawn. Just a thought – here is a relatively young guy singing old fashioned songs. I wonder how he would make out in front of the judges. I can hear it now. Randy: “Yo, check it, man, check it out. I like that whole “crooner” vibe but I don’t know – it was pitchy in spots. It was just OK for me man.” Paula would merely blubber because, after all, he’s a man. Simon: “It wasn’t very good, actually. Very dated and old-fashioned.” Methinks he would be a bottom feeder himself this week. When I returned I heard Michael ask if he was wasting his votes by still voting for Antonella Barba. I am assuming that was a bad joke and if not, I guess life is really like a box of chocolates.

After the break, Ryan cuts right to the chase. Phil, Gina and Haley are huddled together but only one can be sent back to safety RIGHT NOW. Scraping through again by the hair on his chinny chin chin is Phil. SAFE. Which leaves Haley and Gina. Poor Gina is in tears. Ryan asked the ultimate question – did America get it right about who was at the bottom? Randy was a little surprised about Gina being in the bottom three. Paula wouldn’t commit to an answer; she merely babbled on about it being difficult at this point of the competition. Simon said he was not surprised.

After the highest vote so far this season, Haley is staying another week. And Gina goes home. Oh HELL no! My heart fell. I really liked Gina, although I had my doubts she’d be the next Idol –she is too edgy and not a pop-tart. Did anyone else notice the complete shock on the faces of Jordin and Melinda? I particularly liked the stunned silence of the audience before the booing started. Still feel good about tarting yourself into staying another week, Haley? And now my pet peeve: the AI exit video. I couldn’t help but tear up when I looked to the bottom left of the screen to see Gina crying as she watched it. To add insult to injury: the exit song. The words “smile, though your heart is aching” seemed rather appropriate although I really wish I could have heard her rock it out.

Haley, count your blessings. You were awarded a free ride this week but don’t even think you’re going to outlast Melinda, Jordin or Lakisha.  Face it, there really isn’t more clothing you can safely remove on national television and have it still be considered a ‘family’ show.  When it comes down to relying on talent alone, we’ll be watching YOUR AI journey video.  Sanjaya’s days are numbered as well, no matter what Howard Stern or any blogsite say or do. Talent will win out in the end.

A note to the judges regarding Sanjaya: YOU advanced him during Hollywood week. We all know he didn’t go from zero to suck in a matter of a few weeks but it’s so obvious that you were all well aware of his limitations. Yet you put him through anyhow. Therefore, it really doesn’t seem right that you’re surprised and angry when he doesn’t measure up. He is your consequence.

A note to Howard Stern: Stop it. Stop using this poor kid for whatever your vendetta is against American Idol. You are screwing with the other contestants and that is not fair to them. And you are taking the fun out of it for the rest of us. Shut up and go away.

A note to all the Sanjaya haters: What has this child done to deserve the VENOM I’ve seen posted about him? He didn’t buy his way into the finals, nor has he voted for himself. Somebody is voting for him. NO, I don’t believe he deserved to advance as far as he has. I think he should have gone with his sister. However, somehow he made it through. But there is something we can do about it: VOTE HIM OUT. Vote for the contestants YOU want to STAY. If we all did that, then maybe Sanjaya wouldn’t be here.

So, another week is over. Drama, tears and the King of Swing. Next week JLo will share her expertise with the Idol Contestants. And then there were eight………………………

American Idol takes on the “The King of Swing”

The pressure is on.  The contestants enter the world of a legend as Tony Bennett takes up the reins of celebrity mentor to the Idol contestants.  Which Idols will measure up to the challenge?   No matter what, tomorrow one of them is history. 

Ryan enters looking totally gangster in black on black.  Not ‘gangsta’ but the real-life 1920’s, machine gun toting, speakeasy supplying gangster.  A quick introduction of the judges.  Randy was wearing what looked like a glittery science project.  Paula appeared to have dressed in the dark, however her cleavage was certainly seeing the light.  And Simon’s one concession to ’style’ was the abundance of chest hair he was showing.

Next we were regaled with a brief rehash of Tony Bennett’s long and lustrous career, which has spanned 60 years with 50 million worldwide record sales and 15 Grammy’s.  He’s 80 years young and still at the top of his game. He called this season’s Idols a ‘rare group’ and that they would be singing some of the best songs ever written in America.  The idea is longevity and timelessness.  Here we go…………

Blake Lewis – Mack The Knife

Tony got right to the point of saying that Blake needs to come around to getting to the “meat” of the song and slow down the tempo so it has more impact.  Very good advice.  I would still love to know just WHO picks the wardrobe.  The suit jacket was shiny and looked to be straight off the rack at Wal-Mart; and coupled with the requisite plaid trousers….OUCH.  He got right into the swing of things with the lounge singer finger snapping, however I thought that he was a little uncomfortable.  His vocals were OK, but it looked to me like he missed the ‘meat’ of the song and only made it to the potatoes.  I did like the ending, however and I liked this much better than that 311 stuff (who ARE they anyhow?).   Randy thought it was a very good way to start out the evening – perfect song and a cool jazz vibe.  He liked it.  Paula said he “personified pizzazz” and that he was a “real hep cat”.  Amazing she could get that out coherently. And she ended her critique with “You’re just cool.”  Simon thought it was a good song choice and gave him a “7 out of 10”.  Then he gave the band an “8 out of 10.” 

After one of many breaks, we are updated on the Idol Gives Back show, which has now expanded to two different venues.  There has also been many added entertainers; and one geared to the Fanjaya crowd – Harry Potter himself, Daniel Radcliffe.  Ok mommy’s and daddies, get out those wallets……

Phil Stacy – Night and Day 

Phil was looking forward to this week more than any other. His commiseration with Tony Bennett went well.  Tony liked him, calling him “one of the better singers he’s heard and not just today.”  Hmmmmmm, I wonder if he has a Miracle Ear.  His advice was to “put a little beat behind it”.  Phil is still in danger of being arrested by the style police, although he did look better than usual.  All he needed was a tie to pull it all together.  At least he lost the hat and his eyebrows looked like they’d finally met the business end of a tweezer.  This was, in my opinion, one of his better performances.   The genre of music seems to compliment his voice and he came off as a real crooner.  He really hit the big notes but something was lacking somewhere.  My one complaint is that he looked like he wasn’t really there.  Randy thought it was interesting but didn’t feel any connection or passion.  Paula thinks he reminds her of a young Frank Sinatra (much to Simon’s amusement) but she thinks he needs to show more joy and have that personality come through.  Simon felt all the joy of “somebody singing in a funeral parlor.”  It was “completely and utterly gloomy” and “slightly dark.”  Phil said he was trying to focus on his wife.  If I was her, I guess I’d be wondering if I was going to be the guest of honor at that funeral parlor.

Melinda Doolittle – I’ve Got Rhythm 

Mr. Bennett really feels like Melinda will really make it in this business.  She has “lots of promise but needs to believe in herself.”  Kudos to the stylists this week because Mel actually looked closer to her real age than she has in a long time.  Her dress was a huge improvement over last week.   Paula always talks about joy and that is exactly what you see when Ms. Doolittle sings.  I’ve never heard her sound bad.  When she opens up, she just soars.  Another stellar performance capped off by a standing ovation.  Randy says she gives everyone a lesson in singing.  “This is how you do it America.”  Paula thinks she is “a master class” and Simon just thinks it’s a problem because he’ll never be able to criticize her.  My question is why hasn’t she been discovered before?  My only guess is that the divas she backed up were afraid of the competition.

Chris Richardson – Don’t Get Around Much Anymore 

“Make sure you remember the lyrics…and you’ll have fun with it,” is the advice from Tony to Chris Richardson.   He wore a combination of then and now, with jeans, a vest and a very 1940’s-style fedora.   Very Justin Timberlake.  The great “a-ha” moment.  I just figured out who he tries to remind everyone of.  This is not Chris’ element but, like Blake, he really got into the ’swing’ of things.  Finger snapping.  Oh yeah!.  He didn’t sound as nasally as usual.   This song sounded very “today”.  I’ll have to say I was pleasantly surprised with this one.  Randy thinks it was one of his best performances of the entire season and that he “came out strong.”  Paula said he makes the song hip and cool.  “Your best performance, bar none.”  Simon was very complimentary for a change, “I thought that was very good, actually.  Very believable.”  He agreed with Randy and Paula’s comment that he made the song hip.  One of the strongest of the night.

Ryan commented that Simon is very uncomfortable being nice.

Jordin Sparks – On A Clear Day

Tony thinks Jordin is terrific and that she sang in tune, which was rare these days.  He feels that she was “right on the mark when she changed a note or two.”  I think she just keeps getting better and better.  Her outfit was far better than last week’s, but I would have tucked in the shirt.  But, who cares when you can sing like that?  She didn’t make a fuddy-duddy song sound fuddy-duddy and she showed her big voice.  Randy is lovin’ that “We got some heat up here – the bomb again. “ “You’re like a pro and you’re 17.”  Randy just can’t seem to get over that one.   Screechy feedback.  Ouch. Paula called Jordin a “magnet of joy.”  After a total loss of words, she blubbered, “I’m so frickin’ proud of you.”  Simon felt she sang it very well but he didn’t feel that she made it young and current.  The crowd didn’t like that comment and neither did I.  Pointing to Randy and Paula, Simon commented that “he didn’t like it as much as Widdly and Diddly over there.”  Widdly and Diddly?  I swear the British have their own language.

Gina Glockson – Smile

Tony commented that the song gives you hope and he thought Gina sang it beautifully.  He then choked up and stated that when he sings it, he thinks of 9/11. Gina showed that she can really sing and that she is more than just a rocker chick.  She did sing it beautifully.  No, she doesn’t have the big voice of Lakisha or Melinda, but she soared on this one.  Randy felt it was a very nice, controlled performance and he “actually kinda liked it.”  Paula thought it was a beautiful and sentimental understated performance.  Simon couldn’t rave about her vocals because two other girls came on before her and out sang her.   Yes, they did, but Gina still showed a different side.  I just wish that she  would have  ‘rocked it out’ a little; put more of Gina into it.

A serious-looking Ryan appears:  “Next, two legends collide:  Tony Bennett meets Sanjaya.”

Sanjaya Malakar – Dancing Cheek to Cheek

Mr. Bennett is rather impressed with Sanjaya, stating that “he sings very well.”  He commented favorably on his charm and stated that he “dares to be different.”  Entering the stage wearing a white “Saturday Night Fever” suit and slicked back hair, he really seemed to be comfortable up there.  It really wasn’t terrible.  The song did suit his soft vocals and he sang in key.  And I loved the little dance he did with Paula, although Paula would dance with a rake.  If nothing else, he has personality.  Not a powerhouse voice but he appeared to be in his element.  Randy said that he “can’t even comment on the vocals anymore” but conceded that little Sanjaya’s “turned into an entertainer.”  Paula gets why people love him and can understand why Tony said he had a “charm about him.”  Oh, and “Thank you for the dance.”  Simon kept it simple.  “Let’s try another tactic this week. Incredible.” Is this reverse psychology?  Does he think that if he appears to like Sanjaya the campaign to keep him on will suddenly disappear?  Maybe it was just Simon sarcasm at its best. 

Haley McPhee, er, Scarnato – Aint Misbehavin’

Our mentor said that Haley destroyed the story of the song but if she sticks to what the story is, she’ll do ok.  Since this seems to be the type of music she is comfortable with, I thought she may do alright this week.  I was wrong.  She started off sitting on the stage.  Cheesy and unoriginal.  Right off the bat there was problems with the low notes. When the song kicked up, Haley rolled out the cabaret and started singing into her armpit again.  She also brought out those over-the-top arm gestures.  I certainly hope there isn’t a DC-10 nearby.  I don’t think the Idol studio is equipped to handle a landing.  Evidently Haley is trying to ‘dress to impress’ again:  the horny men.  The cleavage was on full alert and I am really hoping she wore her underpants.  And she tried to work it throughout the song, flirting with the audience and the judges.  Randy thought this may be a good week for her because of the types of songs, but…….. and Paula, also at a loss for a good thing to say, stuck to the old stand-by, which was commenting on her outfit.  “Green is a good color for you.”  Simon noted she has “great legs.” He was the only one who dared a critique of her singing by stating she was “a bit pageant-y”.   They all evaded the issue.  She was not good.

Lakisha – Stormy Weather

Tony thinks she’s very good but that when she hits the big note at the end to just leave it and not do anything else.  Period.  Kiki is looking good tonight…classy.  Another great performance and this song showcased her big voice.  Very sultry and controlled.  She accomplished what Haley tried to do; and that was sing well.   And of course she hit that big note but didn’t really heed to Tony’s advice.  Didn’t really matter though.   Randy loved the song.  “It was the bomb baby.”  Paula thought she shone and that “this is the most gorgeous you’ve ever looked.”  Simon: “A sassy, great performance.  Yep, she’s back in it.”

With a couple of notable exceptions, all the contestants did “The King of Swing” proud.  Who will be in the bottom three?  I’ll fathom a guess at Haley, Phil and Blake.  I say Blake  only because he went first and didn’t really “kick it out”.  But he’ll be safe.  The ticket home will be a toss-up between Phil and Haley.  Notice I didn’t put Sanjaya in the bottom three.  I think he’ll stick around another week or maybe two.  But the competition will eventually overtake him.  He’ll outlast Haley and probably Phil.  And then he’ll go.  After all, even Howard Stern and ‘that website’ can in no way override the talent of Jordin, Melinda…………you get the picture.

Until tomorrow……………………….