“NO DOUBT” it will be a great show. How will they fare?

After working with Gwen Stefani, is there ‘No Doubt’ regarding who is going to stay? I’m sure the big question in everyone’s mind really is: How will Sanjaya fare? Will Haley shimmy herself into staying yet another week? All I can say is……

THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL…

Since the show is blessedly down to 60 minutes, the judges’ intro. was quick. Randy and Simon both opted for the dark look, while Paula had that librarian-hooker thing going. Now we segue to Gwen Stefani, this week’s celebrity mentor, and a rehash of her very successful career. KUDOS for Idol for getting somebody as hip and contemporary as her on the show. The featured songs this evening will be from Gwen and No Doubt, as well as the artists that have inspired her. Interestingly, she stated that alot of the artists she loves aren’t really known for their big singing voices, but more about their personality, their characters and their style. Hmmmm, could this be a ‘get out of jail free’ card for Sanjaya?

Lakisha drew the short straw of going first. Her song choice was Donna Summer’s “Last Dance” and Gwen said she “made her sweat” (this is a good thing) and that she should be asking Lakisha for advice. And she didn’t disappoint. A typically great Lakisha performance although not quite as good as the original. Randy loved the upbeat song, the boots….. “a real fly diva”. Paula acknowledged an excellent job as Donna Summer is not easy to sing. Simon loved the boots and the fact she looked 30 years younger than last week. Called it a “great vocal”. So the night got off to a good start.

Next up to the plate was Chris Sligh who remarked he likes to spend his down time knitting, crocheting and playing the bongos in his boxer shorts. Ouch!! That visual really hurt my retinas. He chose “Everything Little Thing She Does is Magic” by the Police and Gwen’s one gem of advice about staying on tempo went almost unheeded. While his vocals were good, for the most part he was a beat or two ahead of the tempo. Another problem for me is that Sting’s sound is very distinctive and I kept listening for it. Randy liked the song choice and both he and Paula remarked about the tempo. Simon simply thought it was a mess and the song didn’t suit him. Ah, Chris… you can do better than that – don’t want to lose you yet.

Next up was Gina, who was awed to meet and work with one of her greatest inspirations. Gwen thought she picked a good song for her voice — “I’ll Stand By You” by the Pretenders — and that it was good to see her just stand there and be emotional. I’ve always been a Gina fan and tonight she kicked it! She was spot-on with her vocals. Again, she sported the ‘rocker chick’ look but she can pull it off. Loved the f&%k me boots and fishnets. Randy thought it was one of her best performances ever and the perfect song for her. Paula loved the fact that she is improving each week and the song choice. Best performance so far. Simon: “It wasn’t one of your best performances – it WAS your best performance.” And here is a prime example that the British have their own language: Simon stated that compared to 3-4 weeks ago, it was like comparing “chalk to cheese”. Huh? Come again. Analogies like that must come from years of drinking room temperature beer.

After yet another one of the many love shots to the sponsors, it is Sanjaya’s turn on the stage. His choice, No Doubt’s “Bathwater” didn’t exactly impress Gwen, who’s only comment was that “it is a difficult song, but he chose it.” And also that he had some problems remembering the words. Ruh Roh — could this be then end?? Forgotten lyrics are a big no-no.

As the camera pans to Sanjaya, the tea I was sipping on shot straight out of my nose. OH..MY..GOD!!! He could be either a gladiator from one of those horrible “B” movies of the 60’s or a gigantic rooster. Either way, it was like a bad acid trip flashback. Wow. His vocals were about what you would expect but……the “do” may have been a good distraction strategy on his part. You focus on the hair and you pay no attention to the vocals. Wow. Randy is completely speechless. He did, however, concede that Sanjaya can actually sing if he’d just “pull it out”. Paula kept waiting for him to “go for it” and was disappointed when he didn’t. Simon presumed there was no mirror in his dressing room, to which Sanjaya tried to retort with some witty, sarcastic reparte’. “You’re just jealous you couldn’t pull it off.” Don’t go there, Sanj……. To which Simon replied that “really doesn’t matter what we say anymore. You are in your own universe.” Agreed. Again, Wow. Major cojones.

Next up is Haley, who chose the guaranteed Idol elimination song, “True Colors”. Gwen thought she started out great until she started getting into some different melodies. The song opened with her sitting on the stage in a position reminiscent of Fantasia and McPhee. Speaking of McPhee, it looks like Haley’s borrowed her hair again — and Pickler’s boobs. At least they weren’t bobbing all over the place, although the camera almost caught a clear shot up her dress when she finally stood up. Good reason to wear underpants. The song itself was very cutesy and I kept looking for Disney characters to be skipping along behind her. At least she wasn’t singing into her armpit and she managed to keep the grandiose gestures at a minimum. Randy wasn’t really “grabbed” by it. Paula thought she needed to be a bit more contemporary. Simon asked her how she thought she did. Last time he asked a contestant that question they were voted off. He called it “sweet but forgettable.”

Phil is back to covering his dome with yet another cap. A knit newsboy this time. How many times do we have to say GET RID OF THE HATS DUDE! He chose “Every Breath You Take” by the Police. Gwen was pleasantly surprised stating that when he sticks to the melody, he sounds really good. He is still fashion-challenged and if that didn’t distract you, you’d see he really did a great job this week. Randy liked it and thought it was a solid performance. Paula thougjt it was a good song choice but even though he “soars on the chorus”, he “plays it safe on the verses.” Simon actually thought it was very good and that it was the first time he felt Phil was taking the competition seriously.

“Heaven Knows” Melinda impressed the hell out of Ms. Stefani. Was there any doubt? Gwen was blown away and stated that “I’d say good luck but I don’t think you need it that much”. Vocally, she was kick-ass. Never being a fan of disco, the song itself – to me – was ‘bleh’, but Melinda was great. My only complaint was about her outfit. It competed with the background screen saver and stopped just short of making me motion sick.

Randy called her a pro…someone who sings with feeling, interprets the words and actually lives the words. THAT WAS THE BOMB AGAIN!!! Paula thinks she is so joyful when she sings and Simon didn’t think it was the best performance but the vocal was – as usual – outstanding. Ending with “Hate the outfit.”

Blake chose “Love Song” by The Cure. Gwen gave sound advice and told him to be care about when he does the beatboxing and that she thinks the live music will enhance the performance. Personally, I like it when Blake just sings. He has a voice that is very easy to listen to. Thankfully, he heeded her advice and kept it simple. Randy didn’t think it was the best song choice but he liked it. Paula loved what he did with the song and liked his risk taking. She’d love to see him in the finale. Simon said that he’s definitely the strongest guy in the competition but cautioned him to be careful – that he’s in this “Chris Daughtry zone where he’s doing his own thing” and to not become “too indulgent.” I hate to remind you, Simon, that the Chris Daughtry zone has landed him a platinum album and more “kudos” than any of the season 5 finalists – including the winner. But I digress….

Jordin’s choice, No Doubt’s “Hey Baby”, was a bit of a surprise to Gwen but felt she was a breath of fresh air. She did tell her to “get the booty going” in order to sell the song. Again, another great performance, although her sexiness seemed a bit forced. Probably just her age and inexperience in such matters.

I have to stop and comment on one thing. Her outfit. WHAT THE????????? It looked like a combination of Raggedy Ann and painter’s tarp. Were the stylists on drugs this week? This year? I cannot believe they have allowed some of the “looks” we have seen this season. The guy’s are just not bringing sexy back. Blake’s baggy plaid golf pants. Chris Sligh’s rumpled, just rolled out of bed look. Phil is just a fashion mess. And whoever allowed Sanjaya out of the dressing room with that hair should be forced to wear that style themselves for a few days. They haven’t done the women any favors either. When Haley isn’t tramping it up, she is being morphed into Haley McPhee. With a couple notable exceptions, Melinda always looks like an office worker on her lunch hour. Up until tonight, Jordin always looked great (what happened?). I like Gina’s style but some of the things she wears don’t flatter a woman who isn’t anorexic. I thought the idea was to make the contestants look like stars.

OK, I’m done bitching now. Back to Jordin Sparks. Randy felt the song was a very risky one to do but she can literally sing anything. She’d be a great recording artist. “Brilliant.” “Great job.” Paula thinks she’s adorable, hip and young. Simon thinks she is the most improved contestant. Younger, more confident. Thought the song was “a bit copycat-ish,” but liked it.

Closing the show with another No Doubt song is Chris Richardson. “Don’t Speak”. Gwen hopes he sticks to the melody and doesn’t go into vocal olympics. He obviously listened because he did a good job on this one. While he started out shaky and seemed to not know what to do with his hands, the vocals did grow stronger and more dominant in the middle. And he didn’t sound as nasal as usual. Randy liked his flavor on it. The loved the R & B side. Paula simply thinks he’s good, good, goooooooooood. Record’s skipping, bang the jukebox. Oh, OK. Simon thought the song choice was good for him but warned him that he needs to really work on his vocals.

So that’s all folks. Being a huge Gwen Stefani fan, I have to admit that my expectations were high. Unfortunately, I came off feeling rather “eh” for the night. Perhaps the song choices should have stayed limited to No Doubt songs or Gwen’s solo songs. I’ve always hated disco so the Donna Summer did nothing for me and listening to The Police is just as good as an Ambien for sending me into slumberland. Nothing really stood out, with the exception of Sanjaya’s “mohawk”.

Before signing off, the show ended with a reminder of Gwen Stefani’s guest appearance tomorrow evening AND the recap of the evening’s performances. Who will be leaving the good ship Idol tomorrow evening? It’s hard to say because America is such a fickle entity. I’d say it will probably be Haley because, really, without the ‘girl’ bouncing around, what have you got? Besides, America already has a Paris McPhee – to be found on any red carpet or party in Hollywood.

So, stay tuned…………………………