American Idol – Or “Bad Boys…whatcha gonna do?”

The guys are back and this time it’s personal. They have alot to prove. The “theme” of personal dedications emits an “uh oh” vibe that says pure sap. After last week, these guys cannot do sappy. They have to be smokin’. They have to be hot………so let the games begin. First up is our favorite chrome dome Phil Stacey with a dedication to The Navy Band Southeast. My brain somehow wanted to hear a chorus of “Anchor’s Away”,  however,  Phil chose to sing John Waite’s “Missing You.” I really like this song but it sounded a little blah to me. Like something was missing. Randy disagreed. “That was HOT man. You’re showing your power”. Paula agreed with Randy. “Every week I’m hearing how great the tone of your voice is.” Simon, ever the bitch (hehehe), agreed with me. “I’m not jumping out of my chair” Booo Hissssss from the peanut gallery. “I think you are very popular.” “Unoriginal voice.” “A very, very good karaoke singer.” But he conceded, “You aren’t going anywhere. You’ll be back next week.” A great play on patriotism will work every time. And he does have a good voice but he just doesn’t do bald like Daughtry.

After the first of MANY, MANY plugs for the sponsors, Ryan is on the famous red Coca-Cola couch with Sundance and A.J. He questioned Sundance, “What were people saying over the weekend after being on the show and being featured last week.” Sundance replied – very honestly – “They said for me not to be so crappy.” LOLLLLLL. I will say one thing, the man has some honest friends. He WAS crappy last week and in order to stay, he has to stop being crappy. End of story. A.J. was asked the same question. He replied that he had “mixed emotions” and that “the judges were fair” (c’mon, is he going to say they suck? Maybe after he gets cut but not now) and that he “needed to redeem himself.”

Jared was next, with a dedication to his mom and dad. He said he was going to listen to Simon’s admonishment of last week to “be more adventurous” so he was going to do “Let’s Get It On” and “channel Marvin Gaye by wearing a suit.” One of my personal favorites. Brings back some horny teen-age memories….but I digress. The performance was just OK. He was more spirited than last week but what the hell was that hand melting down the face routine? And dropping to the knees? Despite the smarmy theatrics, it still lacked something. The judges appeared to reach the same conclusion with Simon summing it up by saying “I’m glad you made the attempt but….It did remind me, though, of the Love Boat”.  Little A.J. was next with a dedication to – big suprise – his parents. Truthfully, I didn’t recognize the song so I don’t really know what it was supposed to sound like. The beginning was not too promising and I was about ready to take a quickie potty break but then he kicked it up a notch and ramped up the tempo. I actually ended up liking it, although it was not nearly up to par……BUT better than last week. Truthfully, most of them could have just stood up there tonight and farted the “Star Spangled Banner” and have been better than last week. Will it be enough to stay another week? A big maybe. What may be his downfall is the fact he went second – too many good ones after him for him to be remembered.

Sanjay…..sweet little Sanjay. I’m afraid this may be your last week. Personally, I liked him tonight.  Let me rephrase that – I liked the way he took a chance and stepped out of the box. His dedication was to his grandfather and his song “Steppin’ Out With My Baby”. Dressed in a fedora, pony-tail, and big smile ala Michael Jackson, Sanjay sang his tribute to the golden age of music. Last week he was told to take chances. This week he did — but it went over like a lead zeppelin with the judges. Randy: “this was really weird for me; like a bad high school talent show – like you borrowed your Dad’s hat. It really didn’t work for me, dude. It was not good.” Paula, ever the diplomat, “You were in pitch, no one could say pitchy because you were in pitch.” Very good Paula: one long, completely coherent sentence. Simon agreed with Randy. I give the kid credit for trying. I don’t think he’ll last beyond Thursday unless he ekes through with the teeny-bop/granny vote. IMHO. Chris Sligh was next. Everyone’s favorite smart-ass. Ryan brought up hair tips and Chris, pointing to his very unruly curly locks, stated that they (A.I. hairdressers I assume) “put in gobs of conditioner and just let it sit.” His dedication was to his beautiful wife Sarah who he says people would wonder how he coerced her into marrying him. C’mon Chris, many women look beyond the exterior. Besides, a sense of humor wins out hands-down. His song “Trouble” was a perfect choice and it showed off his kick-ass, rich voice. He put a different twist on it than Taylor did last year but that was the point — he made it his own. Simon summed it up, “Chris, the reason we put you through to this round is actually we thought you were a very good singer. And tonight you were a very good singer.” He was.

Nick Pedro’s dedication of “Fever” to his girlfriend Kaitlyn was stereo-typically sappy. He did look more comfortable and less constipated than last week. All in all, the song was just OK for me and the falsetto’s – fuggetaboutit. Never liked them, even when they’re done well.  Ace Young, last year, the falsetto king…voted off….get it?  Michael Jackson is just not one you want to emulate.  The judges – overall – liked his performance but said it lacked charisma. Duhhhhh! Blake Lewis’ “Virtual Insanity” was just that — insane. But in a good way. Every time I see this guy I like him better and better. The skat he added to the middle of the song was smokin’. I have one complaint – lose the hat. It was reminiscent of a mushroom. Randy was right on when he said “I like you man”. So do I. Simon was disapppointed in him this week. Sucks to be you Simon. Brandon didn’t take last week’s critiques to heart and performed a boring “Time after Time” dedicated to his grandmother. The sentiment created a great “awwweeee” moment but the performance was lame. Maybe he’s really more comfortable in the position of back-up singer. Brandon did not show what he has vocally. He sold himself waaaaayyy short this week. “You have got to come out here, Brandon, when you are as talented as you are, and do what 4 or 5 of these girls did last week and make a WOW impact. All this ‘I’m feeling it’ nonsense doesn’t work.” Simon has such a way with words. Chris Richardson dedicated his song to grandma or “Big Mama” as he calls her in Virginia. “The Geek in the Pink”. Perfect choice and the perfect sweater to show off his geek side. Nothing like being fashion coordinated – even if you do look like a perfect dork. Kidding aside, he was good. As Randy says, “Chris is in it to win it tonight.” Yup…he’ll be sticking around for awhile.

Sundance Head. Great audition. HORRIBLE Hollywood week. “Crappy” night last week. Truthfully, it is a miracle he is still in the running. Even he thought so. Until tonight. WOW. Maybe he needs to dedicate songs to his son Levi all the time because tonight he kicked some serious ass. Mustang Sally. Hell Yeah!! That raw, bluesy sound was back with a vengeance and he blew his audition out of the water. Hot damn he was good. His chin pubes even faded into the background because I could focus on the song. Randy: “Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah. Wow. Wow. Wow. What a difference a week makes, man.” Simon: “I’m glad we got the Sundance back we really, really like.” AMEN to that.

So there you have it — The Men. Who will stay and who will go? If it was up to me to decide, I would send Sanjay and Nick home on Thursday. But who can tell what America will do? Last week they voted to keep Antonella Barba on what can only be the merit of her internet performance, not her American Idol performance. Hmmmmmmm, we shall see. Stay tuned…………………….

Anna Nicole – Let her rest in peace.

I have refrained – up until now – from commenting about anything to do with the death of Anna Nicole Smith. To me, it was a tragic end to a short but troubled life and to jump on the bandwagon of bloggers and tabloids seemed to be….sort of tacky. But after watching many hours of Court TV and CNN I can’t help but throw my hat into the ring.

The one thing that I can’t seem to get over is the fact that Howard K. Stern has steadfastly refused to take a paternity test. Why? Could it be he is afraid he is NOT the father? Larry Birkhead is willing – and has been willing ever since it was made public that Anna Nicole was even pregnant. Is Larry the father? Who knows. COULD he be the father? Possibly. I think that his willingness to take responsibility for fathering that baby – before the death of Anna Nicole and before the death of Daniel – says to me that he really just wanted to be a daddy. Would he be a good one? I don’t have the answer for that one. Skeptics will say that it is all about the money. Well, at the time he instigated the first question of paternity, there was absolutely NO indication that Dannielynn would become sole heir to what could POSSIBLY be a huge fortune.

My solution? Quit dicking around and find out who the father is. Order every single person claiming paternity of that child to submit a sample for testing. Now! No waiting. Get it over with. The father will be named and all others will go away. Problem solved.

Where should she be buried? Right now, I’d say with her son. Knowing what I know about Anna Nicole, she would want to be buried with Daniel no matter where it was. Her mother may be regretting years of bad blood and that is why she is pushing so hard to have Anna Nicole buried near her in Texas. I can’t help but ask myself where she was all those years when her daughter was obviously in need of help. I guess Virgie wants her time in the spotlight – her 15 minutes of fame. Helluva way to get it.

Solution? Go home Virgie. You say you loved your daughter? Put your money where your mouth is and stop all this nonsense. Tell your attorneys to quit – drop the appeals. You’re not helping Anna Nicole – you are trying to assauge your own guilt. Too little, way too late. Bury her next to Daniel and let her rest in peace.

Probably the biggest question here is this: When the J. Howard Marshall estate mess is finally settled and IF it is determined that Anna Nicole’s estate is entitled to any of it – WHO will get control of that money? We’ve all heard about the will that was supposedly written in 2001 leaving everything to Daniel to the exclusion of everyone else. Oh yeah, giving Howard Stern a hefty 12 million as executor. Considering he hasn’t had a job since the year 2000 and has been living off Anna Nicole all this time, it is no wonder he will continue to live off her in death. The validity of this will is being questioned and now they are saying that there is a very definite possibility it will be determined that Anna Nicole died intestate (withOUT a will). This means that any and all of her estate goes to her lineal descendant(s): Dannielynn Hope. If that is the case, that raises the paternity stakes really high.

Solution? Put whatever remains of Anna Nicole’s estate in a trust. If part of the Marshall estate is awarded, then those monies go into the trust as well. Let a BANK administer the trust and appoint a trustee from within its ranks. Case closed. This will keep Dannielynn safe, eliminate those claims for paternity based solely on the “estate” and hopefully keep everyone else involved honest since they will have no control over the money.

Very simple, really.

The Trainwreck named Britney

Britney, Britney, Britney….make up your mind girl. In rehab…out of rehab. In rehab…out of rehab. Long hair, short hair….blonde, brown and now – dun dun DUN – bald!! This girl is a mess. A trainwreck. You know, it’s ugly but you just have to keep looking.

When did her life begin the eternal journey down the gigantic gold-plated toilette? The break-up with Justin? Marrying that cheap gangsta wannabe K-fed? I’ll say one thing for him, he does clean up well. Or is the pathetic mess that is Britney only serving to make him LOOK like he’s cleaned up well. Time will tell I guess. Maybe he’s seeing just where believing in your own publicity lands you. Truthfully – and don’t whack me for this one – I think he’ll do well by his kids. Maybe he’s learning by the mistakes of his notorious ex-wife. At least he wears his drawers when he goes out in public.So, Ms. Spears has left K-fed. Can’t blame her for wanting to blow off some steam; have a good time. What does she do? Teams up with the always annoying Paris Hilton for a few weeks of non-stop, party-till-you-puke antics reminiscent of the high school football team after winning the big game. Sorry ladies, but publicly blowing chunks and flashing your over-used twats in public does not give most men a hard-on. Nor will it get you custody of the kids, good taste or a sparkling personality. It will, however, guarantee you a centerfold in the National Enquirer and the never-ending respect of every redneck ever to grace a trailer park. Something to aspire to.

So after spending a few weeks as Ms. Hilton’s lap-dog, she is suddenly in love again. Isaac something-or-other. A male model. A jewish K-fed. I may be out of touch with the early twenties pop culture, but until taking up with Ms. Spears, I had never heard of this guy. For a short time, it appeared that our leading lady may be cleaning up her act. She started wearing underpants again. And a bra. Her hair began to look like real hair. A photo surfaced of her actually spending time with her children and she adopted a cute little dog (who I hope she doesn’t arbitrarily decide to give away when she gets tired of it like she did her others. Hey Brit – if you DO decide you don’t want that little dog anymore, I’ll be happy to give it a good home). Ok, so maybe she is deciding to clean up her act. Could it be? And then……………….

Spoke too soon. Issac out of the picture. More party stories and a TMZ video of Britney exiting an SUV with a puddle of vomit on the floor. Could it be? You’d think that after all this partying she would be able to hold her liquor. Maybe it’s all those fancy schmancy designer drinks she’s been imbibing. Gimme some plain ol’ Jack Daniels any day. It may go down hard, but at least it stays there. So she’s back to her new old tricks again. What? A moment of clarity? Checking into rehab? Checking out again. Remember that admitting to being an alcoholic does not mean that drugs are OK. I imagine that when they informed her of that, she split before they found her stash and took it away. A drug is a drug is a drug. Get it. Her mind is slowly turning to mush. After returning to LA, she exhibits a new level of insanity and shaves her head. I cannot imagine what was going through her mind. Did she have this yearning to be Sinead O’Connor? A Hari Krishna?  Does she have some deep-rooted Mr. Clean fetish? Or is she merely crying out for attention? Or help? And then I hear she went into rehab again. And checked out again. The MO doesn’t change – just the location.  And this just in……..she is back in rehab!  Lord woman, stay put!

I’ve never been a fan but this lady is on the highway to hell. And it really pains me to see it. It wouldn’t suprise me in the least if she is the next casualty of living life in the fast lane. Britney, GET A FUCKING GRIP. Your career is half-way down the shitter and you probably won’t see your children again until they graduate. At this point, you are but one small step from either the trailer park from whilst you came or the grave. Here is a piece of well intended advice. Go to rehab. STAY IN REHAB. Learn to choose your friends wisely. Heed your momma’s warning about wearing clean underwear (hint — going commando is OK only if you know how to get in and out of vehicles without announcing it to the world.) Stay away from men who’s career would benefit from being seen with Britney Spears. Translation:  find a guy who has a career in his own right and his OWN MONEY. Take parenting classes. In other words — grow up. Act like an adult. You have 2 children that need their mother. NOT a nanny, babysitter or personal assistant. Their mother. AND their father. Recess is over girlfriend. Time to get real.